As the new member periods start to conclude for both sororities and fraternities, newly initiated sisters and brothers start marking their calendars for social season. It can be difficult to determine which mixers are worth your precious sleep-deprived time, and while there’s really no theme that calls for a bad time, some are simply superior. Sorry, toga parties, but nobody washes their bed sheets often enough to wear them for a few hours.
Haven’t started stocking your Amazon Prime cart with items you’ll never wear again? If you still need help sifting through the deluge of parties, I present the definitive list-to-end-all-lists of the best Greek socials.
Admittedly, I’ve only been in a sorority for two months, but seasoned older sisters and brothers have filled me in, so I’m essentially an expert.
8. ABC (Anything But Clothes): There’s just so much effort involved. Although ABC parties typically take place later in the year when the weather’s warmer, so that you can wear as little non-clothing possible, sometimes you just don’t have time to fashion an outfit out of gum wrappers and Christmas tree lights. Showing up in a trash bag with arm holes is comparable to showing up in actual garments, so it’s best for this party to be a one-and-done deal when you have the time to make something.
*Beware of naive new members confusing ABC with alphabet socials—NOT the same.
7. Risky Business: You’ll probably have to go to one of these eventually, so it’s best to invest in an oversize men’s dress shirt now. Pair with knee socks, sky-high pumps, fake glasses, and a few undone buttons, and you’ll fit right in with the seventy-five other girls dressed the exact same way. “Basic?" Maybe. As a collegiate woman, though, it’s basically a degree requirement.
6. Country Club: Definitely the easiest for the guys, since pastel polos, khaki shorts, and Sperry’s make up the entirety of their wardrobe anyway. Throw on some Ray-Bans and a Rolex, and if you’re really going for the privileged look, drape a cardi over your shoulders. Girls are relegated to “tennis lady” garb, so watch out for lots of mini-skirts and rackets that can easily become drunken weapons. Make sure to take a picture dressed in your country club attire to compare to your wardrobe thirty years later when you actually join one.
5. Netflix: You are what you Netflix, (unless you watch "Breaking Bad" or "Orange Is the New Black" or almost any other show currently streaming), so show off your binge-watch of choice. Luckily, the most commonly-watched shows are fairly realistic, so they're easy to emulate. Expect a lot of prep school skirts, scrubs, and BMS jerseys. The game is totally changed when you incorporate movies, but that’s a whole ‘nother social.
4. High School Stereotypes: If you’ve been jonesin’ to wear that letterman or whip out the micro cheerleader skirt that will definitely fit you four years later, now’s the time. Stereotype parties are perfect for reliving the glory days—or making up for the unfortunate era of side bangs and braces. Nerds will be hooking up with jocks in the opposite room as the principal grinds on the emo kid, and all will be right in the world. Bonus points for slow dancing with at least three inches in between bodies.
3. Dynamic Duos: Grab your best friend, significant other, or beloved pet, because the costumes you wear are true testaments to the strength of your relationship. Whether you find the McDreamy to your Mer, the Jay to your Bey, or the Stefon to your Seth Meyers, Dynamic Duo parties are battlegrounds for couples (platonic and romantic) to showcase their creativity, style, and compatibility. Just make sure you don’t lose your other half, otherwise you may end up the lone boob left of a bra.
2. What Not to Wear: Did your grandma knit you a cable-knit sweater with your name on it for the tenth year in a row? Did you buy a pair of overalls just in case you ever decided to take up farming? This theme serves no other purpose than to highlight the absurdity of your fashion choices. You’ll look ridiculous, but at least everyone will look ridiculous together (making it socially acceptable).
What Not to Wear parties are fun, but they serve a deeper purpose: they allow you to finally gain some peace about spending so much money on your ridiculous article of clothing. You subconsciously bought that galaxy cat shirt for a reason, so WEAR IT LOUD AND PROUD!
1. Letter parties: The possibilities are endless. One of the few social themes that calls for creativity over cute (although if you can combine both, you win), alphabet socials are totally unpredictable. For a K Party, this guy dressed as a Knife cutting through spaghetti. Anything goes, so hit up that Goodwill, your mom’s closet, or even that dumpster behind your dorm to find your costume. Don’t be afraid to go all out; dress as a meatball rather than Madonna, if your heart so chooses. You’ll enter the party a photo op, but you’ll leave a legend.
You’ll encounter all of these socials and more throughout your time as a student, so take ‘em in while you can. One day, you’ll wistfully reminisce over the night you stumbled through the streets of downtown dressed as Wilson the volleyball. Happy social season! 
