Oh how many times I've heard someone declare, "If your parents are still together, consider yourself lucky". A mom and a dad, a big backyard, and a white picket fence all sound great... until they don't. Sometimes two people come together, have a child, and don't live happily ever after. For that, I am grateful.
My mom and dad went their separate ways when I was peaking the age of five years old, and it was probably the best birthday present I could have gotten. Do not be confused, though; my childhood was not all bad, but that's probably because my mom made it that way. When I think back to my toddler days, and yes, I do remember them, I imagine laughing, playing, and running rampant. I also remember yelling, crying, and fleeing.
My parents spent about ten years together and perhaps even that was a few too long. They did love each other. I really don't doubt that but sometimes love just isn't enough. Relationships take turns for the worst all the time. Maybe it was due to cheating. Perhaps an addiction of some sort took a toll on the couple. It could be because of dishonesty, disrespect, failure to agree, jealousy, or whatever else you can think of. The point is when things start heading South, its time to pack your bags. My mother realized that when my father hurt her, it was hurting her bystander children, as well. This was not a lifestyle she wanted for herself, and it definitely was not what she had dreamt up for her children. My mother tells me her breaking point was watching her four-year-old daughter act as a barrier, pleading with her father, "Please don't hurt my mommy". So, that was it. We left.
Although, a happy, suburban-living family does sound ideal, I know that no matter how hard my parents would have tried, that would have never been us. Potentially, my parents could have "stuck it out" but why would they have? For themselves? For us? Their children? My bad memories stopped around the age of six. Had my parents stayed together, I might still be living them. While being a child of divorce undeniably has its difficulties, it is important that we begin to see the forest for the trees. It is hard now, but it won't be forever.
Societal expectations have made divorce, especially when involving children, such a shameful topic. The truth of the matter though is that even our parents who sometimes look like superheroes to us are really just humans humbled by their mistakes. When a marriage is truly failing it seems hanging on can do more damage than letting go and for the sake of the children, please just let go. I am thankful to see my mother and father living their own separate, happy lives. I am thankful they did not try to hash out their obvious differences any longer. They had a moment in life together, they created a daughter they both love dearly, and perhaps, that was the only time their paths needed to cross.
On another note, when my mom left, she taught me an abundance of life lessons. I learned to be independent. I learned to never settle for less than you deserve. I learned to set an example and I learned to love. My mother showed me that no amount of money, no square feet in a house, and no committed years in a relationship should ever stop you from loving yourself. Had she stayed with my father, I would likely be a completely different person today.
I love my mom and dad probably just as much as you love yours. I know their flaws and I know their weaknesses. I have seen them fall. But more importantly, I have seen them rise. I love my mom and dad, but I probably would have spat them for staying together "for the sake of me". My mom left... for the sake of me. I love my mom and dad, just not together.
Sincerely,
A child thankful for divorce.
