My sweet, sweet grandmother,

There is so much I wish I could tell you, but I don't know how to put it into words. The pain I've felt since you have left us is indescribable. I'm not going to get to celebrate holidays with you anymore or call you on the phone to see how life has been going. There isn't going to be another Thanksgiving dinner or another birthday with you. You won't be there for my wedding day or for the baptism of my future children. It hurts. A lot. I have so many thoughts running through my mind that I wish I could just pour out to you, but I'll do my best to simplify it.

I miss you. "If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven to bring you home again". Family events won't be the same without your smiling face and heart of gold there. I'd give anything just to see you smile or hear your laugh one last time. My body physically hurts when I think about not seeing you again--it's rough.

I love you. I hope you know just how much I really do love you. I'm lucky to have had a grandma as caring and loving as you. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been. I am thankful for the time I got to spend with you.

I would do anything for one more hug. As a kid I dreaded giving hugs, as most kids do, but now that I'm older I cherish them. I hug my family every chance I get simply because I understand that nothing in life is promised--I think I learned that from you.

Thank you. You have taught me so much over the years. With a heart of gold and a determined mind, anything is possible. You taught me that crying and whining is no way to get anything in life (you knew how to adjust my attitude). Nothing in life comes easy. You have to work hard for everything you want in life. You believed in me more than anyone else ever did, and that means more than you will ever know.

I wish I could have said goodbye. I tell myself that losing you would have been easier to cope with if I could have said goodbye, but the truth is I don't think it would be easy either way. I'm going to miss you no matter what and it's going to hurt regardless. In a way, a goodbye may have made it harder. The pain I feel won't be healed with a goodbye, but it would have given me some closure.

It's not goodbye, just see you later. I shouldn't be complaining about not getting to say goodbye when in reality, it's not goodbye just see you later. There will come a day when I will join you in Heaven. I'll get that hug I've been wanting. I'll get to see you smile. I'll get to hear you laugh. Simply knowing that I will see you again is what gets me through the pain and hurt. You'll be with me every step of the way throughout this crazy thing called life, and that is a blessing.

Love you forever Grandma