We really miss you.

I miss going over to your house and playing in your basement. I miss coloring and playing with the legos. II miss when you got to babysit Courtney and I if our parents went out. We would order Imo's and then Sandy would get to lick the leftovers out of the box. I miss having sleep overs and when grandpa would make us go jump on your bed to wake you up. We'd eat donuts after grandpa got home from church. I miss how you always gave me and Courtney fifty popsicles when we came to visit. I miss when grandpa would take us to get you McDonald's and we'd all eat together at your kitchen table. I miss when you would talk so much that your food was way too cold by the time you stopped talking and had time to eat it. And then you'd complain every time how your fries were cold. I miss when you would always try to give our mom money for cleaning your house but she would never take it so you'd force me or Courtney to make sure it gets to her. I miss the goodie bags you would make for us before we would leave your house. You'd give us gummy worms, Reese's, Hershey kisses and those little yellow and red candy bars that I totally forgot the name of. The amount of gummy worms I consumed as a child is slightly alarming but it's okay. I miss hearing your voice. I still remember it quite well and sometimes I hear it in my head when I picture you saying something like "now is that blouse two pieces or just one?" I know us girls remember that line...

I wish you could see how grown up everyone is now. It's been six years since you last saw your five awesome grand kids. The last time you saw us we were in that super awkward middle school/puberty age where we all had braces and glasses. I was in junior high at the time and I hope that's not how you remember me as far as what I looked like. (lol sorry) I wish you could see the five of us right now because I think puberty did most of us well, except myself maybe (haha). I wish you could see how tall all of the Scherrer kids are and how short the Goldacker girls are compared to them. I wish you could see us in college.. Actually maybe not. If your watching I apologize for all of the stupids things you may or may not have watched us do. I wish you could come to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter again. It was always 12 of us, then it was 11 and even over the years when more people have been added and lost, it's still not the same 12. I wish you could meet our boyfriends and girlfriends because I know all of them (even the ex's) would've fell in love with you. I wish you could see in person how alike you and my mom are. It's pretty scary. I see so much of you in her which is a great thing. She is the nicest, most selfless person I know and she pretty darn adorable which she totally got from you. I wish you could see Aunt Cindy and Uncle Steve too. They're great people. You and grandpa did a pretty okay job raising your hooligan children. I know I say "I wish you could see" but I know you probably can see us. I guess it's the thought of wanting you here in person to experience life with all of us that makes it feel less real. You are there though, I'm sure so thanks for watching over us.

I hope you know how missed you are. Just because you're not here with us doesn't mean I don't think about you all the time. I think about you a lot before I go to bed. I'm not sure why but that's when you come to my mind a lot. I hope you know what an amazing grandma you were. I feel so lucky and not a day goes by that I don't thank some higher power for letting us have you for seven more years than what were supposed to. At the time the five of us were so little that we didn't really even understand what was happening. I remember being at the hospital a lot but when you're six years old you don't really process reality too well. I remember Uncle Steve walking us up and down the hall just to kill time. I'm not sure how old I was when I found out that you weren't even supposed to make it through the night after the stroke. I was shocked. They were positive that night was it but apparently you weren't ready yet. I'm so glad because you proved them wrong and stayed here for seven dang years. Who does that?! I thank God for those seven years because without them I don't think I would've even known you. If you didn't make it through that night, I would've lost my grandma at six years old and that is not enough time for a kid to have a grandma. Even losing you at thirteen sucks because I would've kept you my whole life if I could've. Unfortunately, God doesn't work that way. Nevertheless, we got what I call "the seven extra years" and that's why I'm writing this. To tell you how thankful I am that stayed as long as you could and that the memories I have over a span of thirteen years make me beyond grateful.

Thanks for everything. Love, your Itty Bitty Whitty