After months of preparation, planning and purchasing, I've finally left. Thursday was odd - the thought of leaving home hadn't fully sunk in until I was saying my last goodbyes, and to be honest, it wasn't too tearful. Many of these solemn moments with my family were already premeditated, and I had comforted myself in the thought that there would be much less the same to come back to... That is, until I found myself saying goodbye to my dog.
As I sat there, petting my 14-year-old English Setter, I couldn't help but wonder if it was the last time I'd see him. He looked at with the same crooked gaze he gave me many Christmas's ago as I stroked the scraggly black-and-grey hairs of his shoulders, and I couldn't help but choke back tears. That's when it really dawned on me... more than anything, the scariest thing of leaving isn't just the goodbyes, it's the uncertainty.
While taking time to travel is a blessing both mentally and physically, in many ways it does take an emotional toll. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm leaving myriad what if's; both hopeful and fearful of the future that I could have left behind.
Part of it comes from putting all of this on paper that I find myself forced to reflect on questions lying on the back of my mind, and - until now - I couldn't begin to address them, but looking back, all that I can really do is hope. Yes, maybe it can be slightly delusional, but, you know what? Screw it.
I can hope that I see my dog again. I can hope that I'll be perfectly fine coming back to a job in my field, or if I decide to move ahead to grad school. I can hope to find love and live happily ever after. The only thing to really control in this move is my interaction; bridging a gap with friendships and my own professional drive. Maintaining valuable relationships is nothing more than reaching out, and communicating.
Leaving is easy when you keep a firm, positive base - talking, listening and being the change you wish to see in the world. After all, good times ain't shit if you have no one to share them with!
