I recently lost my grandmother rather suddenly. Everyone has had kind words to say about her, she was truly an amazingly good person. But what quantifies someone as good? Are they consistently good? Or do their good deeds just have to outweigh the bad? Is it a sliding scale or is it a binary discussion?
In the case of my sweet grama, she was just that. She loved to quilt and loved her grandkids, kids, and friends dearly. She never had a bad word to say about anyone, ever. She was present and interested in what you had to say, patient, kind, and extremely generous. All traits I believe give someone the 'good' title. But in this trying time, I began to examine those around me, myself included, and weigh our 'goodness'.
To me, consistency is key.
I believe being a good person means you are good most of the time. Life is hard and no one should expect perfection, but overwhelmingly so, good people remain good. When times are hard, good people do not turn their backs. Good people do not grow cold or harsh. They remain good. They adjust their goodness to adapt to what the situations calls for.
Yet - ordinary people do good things all the time. They give to charity, let a stranger merge on the highway, pay for the person behind them in line. But do these simple acts alone add up to make someone a good person? I'm not sure they do.
It is easy, at your own pace, and on your own terms to do good things. Simple acts of kindness make us go wow, "I probably made someone's day". We feel better about ourselves and feel a false sense of altruism. But are we, at our core, good?
Upon my grandmother's passing, I left town at 4am the following day to drive 10 hours to be with my parents. No one else in my family showed up. Some live much closer than I do, some were further but had the means to go at the drop of a hat. This is not a boastful statement. This is, however the sort of hard time I was describing. Those people who were closer are known as good to many. But when times get hard they turn away, because the good deed they could fulfill is no longer on their terms and at their convenience... what are they? Still good? Leaning towards bad?
I don't know if I am a good person or not. I do not pay for strangers coffee or let people merge on the highway or give to charity often. But I show up when things are hard, consistently. I am there for friends who go through rough patches, I am there for my parents when we lose yet another family member, and I am choosing a career where I am there for people who need someone to listen.
At the end of the day, it's probably not up to us to decide who is good or bad. I think that conversation is between you and your conscience, your maker, your mirror, whatever.
For me, the conversation is between my keyboard and I.
