If you're entering college as a Freshman, it can be pretty scary. Have no fear because I'll help you with all the tips and tricks you need. This will be like Delaney's Declassified Freshman Survival Guide, except not because that would be copyright infringement. I'll just give you some ideas on how to survive your Freshman year of college.
The first tip is to make sure that you befriend the people who work in any area with food because it will be made better and with love. This is important because food is important. This is how you start off with a bang. Writing an article and in life, you start off with a bang by talking about food. You will be that funny, so relatable, hashtag goals kid. "OMG you love food too?! Yaaas best friend for life fam." So make sure you talk about food to everyone you meet, comment on others food, try a bite of their food, make them food, and make them into food. Wait what? So as long as food is topic of conversation, you'll be popular.
If you're ever finding yourself late to class, just invest in a pair of heelys. You'll roll right up to your desk and probably fall over but, you'll be on time and that's all professors care about! Grades? Nah. Homework? Forget it! Your mental health and well-being? WHAT'S THAT?! But, you walk in one minute late and the world smokes over and ends. Also, god forbid there's a coffee in your hand. Such heathen behavior that is.
Next tip is on the first day of classes, when professors ask if you have a preferred nickname, always respond with "Harambe." That should be everyone's nickname. Rest his soul.
If you're at a social gathering and a creepy boy is trying to hit on you and getting closer by the minute, don't worry just tell him how you're mentally unstable and can com-bust at any minute. If that doesn't work, because guys seem to love that, just say you're a feminist because that really is creep repellent. No, really if you're not a feminist you should be.
Always make sure that your music is playing so loud through your headphones, that others can hear it. Why have my own headphones when I could just listen to a mumbled version of yours? It really saves my phone battery!
Make sure to scream your political/ religious views to anyone with ears. That really gets you friends. Especially if you have car bumper stickers expressing those views!
Finally just have fun. Life is too short not to have fun in college, especially with the Illuminati trying to kill us all and what not. So eat that burrito, binge watch that show on Netflix, go to that frat, make friends with a space alien, swallow some questionable liquids, and make sure you study. Grades are important, but not the world and I don't want to give all this great advice without including that. If you fail a test, you'll get 'em next time. If you fail 5 tests then what are you doing? Use the tutoring center that your thousands of dollars of tuition is going toward.
This has been Good Nice Freshman Advice by Delaney.
