Dear Sophomore Year,

Just 246 days ago, I returned to the place that had become synonymous with the word “home." My peers and I had 28 weeks to successfully make the transition from underclassmen to upperclassmen. I knew that this year was going to be so much better than my freshman year in terms of friends, my GPA, relationship and personal well-being. Well, I was hopeful at least.

Don’t get me wrong. You started off being awesome. My best friend and I were blessed to have an amazing group of freshman as our orientation group, and continue to be friends with them today. The first weekend back is probably one of my favorite memories, filled to the brim with laughter, rivalries formed in beer pong and one too many photos taken in front of an American flag. I even liked all of my classes, which had never happened before, was doing super well in them, but I guess everyone does super well in the beginning of the year.

Firstly, thank you for giving me one of the largest blessings in disguise when I returned to campus. I was, for lack of a better term, kicked out of my friend group from the year before and had a longing for the sense of unity and love that my friends had given to me the past year. Thankfully, two of my new suitemates and I ended up becoming fast friends. To all of my friends who I have become close with this year, thank you. Thank you for the late night pizza deliveries, numerous Snapchat streaks and the discovery of Dutch Bros Italian Sodas. It still amazes me that at this time last year, I was only friends with one person in my current friend group and didn’t know many of the people I now consider to be much more like family than friends.

Also, thank you for allowing me to end destructive friendships with people from back home and here on campus that were dragging me away from happiness and success. While I don’t have any reason to want these people back in my life, I still wish them well and blessings in their future endeavors. Lastly, thank you for showing me how beneficial a long distance relationship can be. And while I know this sounds crazy, a long distance relationship was the perfect balance I needed in my life. My sophomore year would honestly not be filled with as much love and laughter without my amazing boyfriend in my life.

First semester, I was killing it. I got my best GPA ever, which even surprised myself. Second semester I returned ready to conquer my classes, but was met with so many roadblocks. The amount of struggles I faced was unmatched and felt constantly burnt out. Even now, I still feel burnt out and on the verge of having a breakdown.

As my academics begin to stress me out, I understand why sophomore year is so difficult. Academics start the cycle, along with becoming too involved. That was one thing I missed the most was not being involved enough. I missed working with community service center, and couldn’t wait to go back. I joined another club, which became one of my favorite activities, but I still missed being over involved.

While being overly involved, I never had down time, which never allowed me to let my anxiety take over. This year, my anxiety and stress took the reigns a lot, and made me question bonds that I knew were strong. I was so afraid of losing my friends that I began to overthink everything, which put my relationships in jeopardy. This made me stress out even more, which continued the vicious cycle that is sophomore year.

Sophomore year is brutal. It tests you and everything you believe in over long periods of time and all at once. I felt like I was crawling to all of my breaks and three day weekends, longing to go back to my original home away from my new home. The last two months have been extremely intense, as I have battled homesickness, anxiety, stress, sickness and feeling not like myself. Thankfully, I can see the beautiful horizon that is Friday, May 6. I feel like this day is the Messiah coming down to Earth and letting me know I survived my sophomore year.

This year has proved more challenges than I felt like I was able to handle. I had to learn to clean up my mess (literally and figuratively) along with other people’s messes when necessary. I learned the value of expressing my opinion and thoughts, while also being conscious of how other people feel. Even though this year has felt like a chugging an extremely warm Natty Ice without a breath, I’m thankful for the lessons, memories and struggles.

There can be no triumph without struggle, and my triumph right now will be passing a math class I don’t even need to be taking. I am so happy to be leaving this year behind, along with the tragedies, mistakes and late night breakdowns that were only heard by my pillow. This year was one long growing pain full of teaching moments, and I know I will look back at this year with a slight smile, followed by a long grimace.

So here’s to the late night conversations about existentialism, and if God even exists. The long distance occasional fighting, the two AM drives to Shari’s pies and understanding the true art that is a good jungle juice. Here’s to the long walks back through the neighborhood, and being welcomed back with drunchies that can be purchased with dining hall swipes. Cheering loud in the basketball stadium, freezing at the baseball games and failing horribly at intramural softball games. The 3 a.m. fire alarm drills, laying on the lawn in the sun and random weekend adventures.

Thank you for the memories, experiences and relationships this year has brought. As much as I am thankful for this past year, I am even more ready for it to be over and in the past. So, this is it. The end of the first half of the middle. Two more years at this lovely place I call home. Junior year better watch out because more shenanigans, tears and laughter will take place and I can’t wait. Being an upperclassmen when I return in August will be welcomed with the motto, “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.” Peace out Sophomore Year. It has been way too real.

Sincerely,

Julianna (Jules) De La Torre