I have been asking myself a question lately, “Am I a good brother?” Before you can answer, let me give a little background. My dad has a total of six kids: Stephen, Des (me), Alexa, Derrin, Nolan, and Isaiah. Then my mom has four kids,: Des (me), Alexa, Derrin, and Demi. Of everyone only Alexa and Derrin are my full-blooded siblings. Honestly, I do not really care about the whole “half-brother/sister” thing. They either are my brother or sister or they aren’t, ya know?

So, my older brother Stephen is currently living in Austin, TX, going to school at the one and only University of Texas—I may not like “UT” athletically, but I will respect the prestigiousness of the school. I couldn’t tell you what he is studying. Sadly, I cannot tell you much about Stephen—I do not think I even have his phone number saved in my phone. We really don’t speak very often, but sometimes I wish we did.

My sister, Alexa, is a sibling I have not had the chance to meet. When she was born my parents decided to give her up for adoption. She currently is living in New Jersey. Just like Stephen, I do not know much about her, although I have had some small wins after reaching out to her via social media. However, recently, I feel as if I’m playing battleship, and each time I reach out to her it is a miss. Not too long ago I wrote a blog called, “To My Sister I've Never Gotten to Meet,” and I think that was the wrong move. Even though I was trying to be sincere—as well as relate to others—I think I missed fatally and lost myself the entire game.

Derrin and I have spent all of our lives together, and quite frankly, he gets on my dang nerves. But just like the rest of my siblings, I love him so very much. He’s our dad’s son— Derrin is the kid that is always goofing around. I can hardly be around him, he keeps my stomach hurting from laughing so much. That same goofiness is also his defense when he gets me mad. The problem is, even though he and I grew up together, I still feel like I do not know him. Consequently, I don’t think he feels like he can come to me with his problems or just general questions. I would fight for this kid until the end of the line, but I do not think I am that great of a brother to him.

Same goes for Nolan. He has had a tough upbringing, and because of that, I was not in his life very much. Now he is a freshman in high school, and I feel as if my time has run out. Like, I cannot be there for him. I wonder if he thinks it’s even necessary for me to be in his life—he has made it this far.

The thing Derrin, Nolan, and I have in common is that when we’re feeling down we go to social media to vent. Instead of turning to one another, we turn to Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat, hoping that someone out in the world cares about us. When I see this tendency in them, it hurts, I should have made myself a resource. I should have made myself someone that they could turn to. Instead, I focused more on my problems and my life and didn’t give much attention to them and theirs.

My baby sister, Demi, is the one I spoil, but not with material things because I am broke. She is my baby, and I love her with all my heart; I feel like I am supposed to be the positive male influence in her life because her dad is too much of a coward to make time for her. Yet, there are times I share those cowardly tendencies and focus on myself.

Lastly, my baby brother, Isaiah, is quite the character; his personality has to be a mixture of all my dad’s kids. He is just an amazing being, and he is only five years old. I met Isaiah when he was two years old and have maybe seen him less than 15 times since. It’s not anyone’s fault except my own. He and I live in the same town; I just don’t make the time to be around him. For what good reason? None, just my own selfishness.

So, as I reflect on my relationship with my siblings, the question still stands. Am I a good brother? Yes, of course you could say, “At least you see your faults,” but what good does that do? I haven’t really done anything about it except write this article. What can I do? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Should I just apologize to my siblings? What if they do not feel there is a need to apologize? What if it is too late to be there for them and those relationships are not wanted nor needed? I need to be a Proverbs 17:17 brother.

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