At the end of the semester, everyone seems all too anxious to get home as quickly as possible. They are at their final exam and already have their car packed up, ready to take off after they drop their pencil. But most of the time, for me, going home honestly just sucks. Yes, we all need a break after our stressful semester, and it is great to sleep, relax, and make money, but a month is too long for me.
At college, I'm oddly social for how much I say I despise people. I enjoy the people I interact with on a daily basis. At home I am a hermit; I unfortunately lost contact with my friends from high school. At home I feel alone: There is not a lot to do here and not too many people to hang out with. I'm used to being around people -- if I want to be a hermit at college, I do it with my friends. Wrapped up like burritos in our blankets, we play video games, watch makeup videos, and follow television shows in joined solitude, whereas at home, I binge-watch Netflix with a bag of popcorn and consider watching a whole season of "New Girl" a new skill I can add to my resume. Being home feels weird when I know I could be hanging out with my friends.
On another note, I'm a broke college student, and we need to make money somehow. It's the holidays, and I work retail. Not everyone does, and if you don't, consider yourselves #blessed, because holiday retail is hell. I don't mind helping customers find the perfect Christmas present, but when you're not specific in what you are looking for, I go a little crazy inside. Also, I'm the one who organizes the clothes, so please, do not put that Alfred Dunner top on the Woolrich rack. It's like playing Where's Waldo in a department store -- you know something is misplaced but just can't find it. Then there is the small talk, which I'm working toward getting better at, but that is all my job entails. I hear on the regular "How was school?" "Bet you're glad to be back," and "Wow, it's Christmas already? Can't believe you're almost done!" about 10-20 times a day. Yes, I've counted. But it looms over my head that I am working retail and not something that can help further my future career goals because of the town I live in. It's small and there is not room for growth here, sadly.
But the biggest change for me when I get home is how dramatically my schedule changes. I go from planning full-fledged philanthropy events and when to study each individual subject to the minute, to a department store doing nothing. It's such an extreme change that it puts me in a slump because I do not know what to do with myself at home. I could sleep all day, but I feel I can only do that for so long before it becomes unhealthy. I try to keep myself preoccupied and give myself some projects to do at home, like creating an artist website for myself and applying to jobs for after graduation, but it is so hard for to stay motivated in a place where I'm just too mentally relaxed all the time.
I love coming home for about a week to relax after a stressful semester, and I love seeing my family and few friends I have here, but personally, coming home isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm not the person I want to be when I come home, because I've found who I am at college while I was being independent. I'm reminded of who I used to be and feel like the area I reside limits my potential. Being home is great for a certain period of time, but I'm ready to be the person I really am, wherever that may be in this world. I just know it's not at home.
