One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells me that I'll be fine and it's all in my head, "you just have to think it's okay and it will be".

If someone were to chop your arm off, could you think it back into place?

When I didn't have anxiety, I used to read articles about it, friends would post about their struggles and I genuinely felt sorry for them, not in a good way. I felt pity, because they were "stuck" in their "illness" and didn't see any way out and all I had to deal with was depression, which I fixed by popping pills or using some substance to numb out. But After my overdose (link to the day I lost my life) I began to understand why my friends hated anxiety so much, I understood what it was like to cry because you're so afraid of leaving your house, I learned what it meant to be paranoid until people thought you were crazy, I learned that sometimes I feel like I'm going to die even when absolutely nothing is wrong.

I began to understand what anxiety felt like. Social anxiety to the point where I couldn't stand being in a restaurant with my family or boyfriend. Night time anxiety where I would wake in a panic and not be able to go back to sleep because I was terrified, for what seemed like no reason.
I understood and I couldn't bare the thought of being anxious like I had always assumed would never happen to me. I was now one of the people that everyone tells to "just let go and you'll be okay".

You know what?

I did let go. I let go and I let God. It takes patience. It takes prayer. It takes devotion. It takes God. I never can get through a panic attack or anxiety moment unless I reach out to God. I can't come to my senses, unless God is carrying me out of my hole of anxiety. I cannot let go unless I let God. It has taken me years to come to realize that if I just put my life in God's hands and I trust him before all else, my anxiety slowly starts to fade and I can enjoy my life again. It's been a little of two years since my Overdose and my months of agoraphobia and time in rehab. It's been two years and i am just now returning to God's loving arms in full sprint. No more crawling to God, no more sitting on the fence, no more pretending to be a good child of God. I'm running to His arms because I know he will never reject me, he will never turn me away, he will never let me go.

I have anxiety, but God can move mountains, and anxiety, is such a small obstacle when it comes to what God wills for my life.

I'm learning to let go and let God.