Throughout my life You have tested me. My faith, my strength, my integrity, and so much more. And though I like to believe I’ve done a pretty decent job, the truth is I have let You down. I have failed many times, sometimes not even realizing it. Through these past few years especially, I have seen the amazing things that You are capable of. I have seen You put some pretty great things together and demolish the not so great things. I watched You bring people together and I’ve seen some incredible miracles. But I’ve never taken the opportunity to thank You.
My life has been a great struggle, we both know that. However, through it all, no matter how lost I got or how frustrated I became, You never left my side. And that is why I am still here today. You gave me grace and strength to face some of the most difficult circumstances and I came out a better person. Everything I have become, I am because that is what You want. You have guided me through the best and worst of times and led me where I am today. There isn’t a choice I have made without being absolutely sure it what You wish for me. My plan is constantly changing and my goals are becoming more and more different as time goes on, but that is because as the days and weeks go by, I am learning more of what Your plan is for me. So it’s becoming more of Your plan and less of mine. And I must say, Your plan is way better than anything I could have ever come up with on my own.
I’ve never really questioned the things I have gone through in my life because I knew You were behind them all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. You had a reason for everything. I am thankful for even the worst of times because they made me the person I am today. I’ve spent my life searching for something to make my life worthwhile. But in the past couple of years, I have learned that the thing that will make my life worth living is to live it for You. I may not do the best sometimes and I can’t even say that I am trying my best. But I can promise that my heart is open and my life is Yours. I will follow whatever path you lead me down.
The one thing I learned early in life that I still hold onto today is that where I find pain, my greatest source of comfort is You. When I think of You all the problems I face today seem irrelevant and insignificant. The life You have planned for me is so much greater than I could ever dream. I know that exciting things are down the road because You have never let me down before. You have pulled me up when I was down and picked up my many broken pieces. Without You I would not have survived. You and You alone made me the person I am and gave me a reason to live. For that I thank You.
There was a moment that I let myself fall. I felt my life crumbling away and I saw everything I had once dreamt of slowly drift away. I watched in the mirror as depression, anxiety, guilt, and fear settled in. I watched myself go through something I never wanted to go through. I became a person I never wanted to become. I became weak and helpless. Shallow and scared. I thought my life was over. But in one instant, You took over. Suddenly there was light and purpose. I found the will to fight through the pain and struggle. It was my greatest victory, my greatest accomplishment. And You alone are responsible. I played no role in surviving that.
I owe so much to You. You deserve so much more than I have given You. I fail to give You the amount of attention You have given me. I fail to live my life completely and totally for You. And for that I ask for forgiveness. I am undeserving of it, but I am asking for a chance. A life without You is an impossible one to live. There is no real purpose or structure. There is really nothing to live for. I need You in order to survive this world. I will continue to walk next to You, this time giving You more of my time and energy. I will stop wasting it on people who don’t deserve it. My life and my heart belong to You.
Sheetal Tadiparty
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