You are ready to give up, throw in the towel, give in or move on.
You. Are. Done.
And the problem is you feel like there is nothing you can do to change the outcome of the situation you are given. You may feel hopeless, destroyed and just utterly lost. I've been there too, friend. I know what is going through your mind, your body and your broken spirit. But you cannot give up, throw in the towel, give in or move on. You have to give yourself a second chance; you have to be the warrior we both know you are deep inside.
I was told a dream that I have worked for, fantasized about, bled for, cried about, given up almost everything for would never become a reality, and I was broken. Not the "shed a few tears because I am sad and then get over it" broken, but the kind of broken that made me question why I was still in school, why I was still working my butt off for something that would never be mine, and why I was putting on a happy face in front of the people who broke me.
I considered taking off and going for a cross-country vacation. I would make up the school work when I decided I was ready. Frankly, I just flat out didn't care anymore. I didn't care about my grades, I didn't care that my friends wouldn't know where I was and I really didn't care that the people who hurt me could possibly be affected by my decisions.
This, of course, is no way to think. These actions would hurt more than just my friends, my future and myself. It took me a long time to realize that I could no longer be broken, and it took me an even longer time to realize that even though I wanted to run away, I had to pick myself up from the ashes of my despair and choose to be the strong individual I knew I could be. I had to give myself a second chance.
Second chances are the best things in the world. We give them to our friends and family when they hurt us, and we are given them in order to make ourselves better. So, why when we give others a second chance, would we not give ourselves a second chance? Trust me, I wanted to be done too. I wanted nothing more than to be separated from the people who broke me, but I didn't run away, and you shouldn't either.
The day I decided to give myself a second chance was no special day. Nothing happened that sparked an "Aha!" moment. But it was and is a day that has changed my perspective about adversity and the way I will handle myself in the future.
That day, I decided that there is no one on this earth that is allowed to dictate my happiness. I decided that even though others may define me by my past mistakes, this is not how I am going to see myself. I decided that I will work my hardest to inspire myself and make myself proud. I decided that I will no longer let the people who broke me have the pleasure of seeing me broken. Finally, I decided that no matter what life throws at me, I will always come out stronger, more confident and more resilient than ever before.
I gave myself a second chance at living the life I want to live. Friend, I am here to tell you that you also have the opportunity to give yourself a second chance. If you are looking for a sign, this is it. Take back your happiness and your success, and give yourself that second chance (or third, or fourth, or fifth chance ... because if you're anything like me, you like to make the same mistake six or seven times before learning your lesson). Be that strong, independent, wild one we know you want to be again.
Someone who learned her lesson
"et lux in tenebris lucet, et tenebræ eam non comprehenderunt" --and the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.
Be your own damn light.