When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her more than just a ball with lines stitched together in intricate designs. You give her the chance to be something more than the person she was before she ever discovered she was capable of playing. You teach her valuable lessons that take her along this journey from the moment she first steps onto that court for her first game to her last.

I went into my freshman year of high school like any person would; feeling a mix of emotions ranging from nervous to excited. They say that high school can be the best or worst four years of your life, but no matter what it turns out to be you learn to make the most of what you've got. It's true when they say that in order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself first and let go of everything you thought about yourself and all the things you never thought you could do. I never made it my mission to play a sport in high school and I stumbled upon volleyball by pure luck and accident. And I can honestly say, I'm extremely thankful for that luck and accident because if I didn't try out and lose myself first in this process, I wouldn't have found my true self, today.

I never thought I would be good at volleyball, much less stick with it the whole four years of high school. I remember at the end of that first practice looking down at my forearms and seeing how red they were. They looked sunburnt and were starting to sting and form blisters. Right there my mind was telling me to stop, my body practically begging me to take the pain away and quit. But in that moment and for the first time, I didn't listen and I'm glad I didn't

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her an identity. Wearing that jersey made me be able to be a part of something and feel important. When people saw you in the halls wearing your jersey on game days, they didn't know you by just your name they knew you by your number too. That number carried me throughout both my high school and travel volleyball years and it gave me a new purpose; to be known as more than just my first or last name but a number. Even though I gave up volleyball, you never forget your number and I will always have a special place in my heart as #2.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her a team. These people are more than just a group of girls you practice and play with on the court. These girls become a part of your life whether you know it or not. They become your sisters who have your back both literally and figuratively. Just like you grow with the sport they grow with you too and they go along the same journey with you as well. You learn about their faults, strengths, and weaknesses. You do a lot together, whether it's scavenger hunts in hotels while you're away at a tournament for the weekend, decorating posters for home games and making shirts for when you warm-up before each game, you share a connection and have a special bond with them that you never thought was possible. You see each other at their worst and bests on the court, but no matter what you're there to cheer them up or cheer them on every time.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give them a coach. Someone who looks after you and does everything in their power to make you the best player you can possibly be and more. They are there to pick you up and sometimes put you down, but they do it all to make you better. You appreciate their positive comments and the things you did right and you even sometimes like hearing them tell you what you did wrong or could improve on. And when they yell at you while you're in the middle of a game they're doing it because they care and they're just as nervous as you are. They sacrifice their time to train you because they see the potential in you even when you don't see it.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her strength. The strength to get back up after hitting the floor hard trying to retrieve the opponents hit. The strength to make it to that ball that someone passed out of bounds but you know if you just run a little faster you can bring back on the court for someone to hit over and not lose that point. The strength to come back to practice even though you can't feel your legs and your arms are numb and you're sweating and tired and your mind keeps telling you to quit but you won't because the payoff is so worth it. The strength to keep playing after you hit a ball out and you're embarrassed for yourself because you feel like you let your team down. The strength to get on that court for every practice and game day and remind yourself that you're good enough and you're a beast who loves this sport and will do everything to prove her thoughts wrong.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her determination. The determination to work harder to get that jump serve right and that hit in the right corner or angle. The determination to make it to practice every day. The determination to work harder and never give up.

When you give a girl a volleyball. you give her practices. The types of practices that give you satisfaction and sometimes frustration at the end. Practices that test your limits and abilities. Practices that leave you feeling better or worse than you did when you first walked in. Practices that make you question why you even bothered to try out and play in the first place. But also practices that make you so grateful you decided to do this. Practices that ultimately make you a better player. Practices that leave you bruised, scarred, floor burned, throbbing, but you still go out there and continue with a smile on your face because you wouldn't trade this for the world even on your worst days because you know this sport is worth everything.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her game days. Even after so many games you've played you still get nerves running up and down your body. But you know as soon as you step onto that court and you see all the people in the stands cheering for you, all of your nerves go away and you forget about why you were even so scared in the first place. You thrive off of the people chanting your name every time you get a point for your team or you get an ace. And there's nothing better than knowing that point came from you and your body gets this sort of adrenaline rush that pumps into your blood and you're on this high and you never want to come down from it. The bus rides to and from the away games were always the best times because you got to be surrounded by your team in a usually tight place for hours and you'd have no excuse but to talk and play music or braid each other's hair in between eating your Subway sandwiches and drinking your Gatorade's. When you won a game the bus would be so alive it'd feel like you were at a concert and the sounds and chants and cheers from your teammates and coach wouldn't stop. But when you lost a game, the silence was so loud it was uncomfortable and everyone around you would have their heads down, listening to their music with their headphones on.

When you have your first ever game you don't really remember it or cherish it that much because you were probably so nervous to begin with that you wanted to get it over with and besides, you knew you had plenty of games to play before your last. But when you get to your last game and you have your Senior night, everything comes rushing back to you and you wish you could relive it one more time. And so you take every last moment you have on your home court. Every hit, pass, spike, serve, no matter if it was good or bad. Every cheer from the stands. Every expression your teammates and coach make and you take all of it in and do your best to never forget it because you know this is the last time and you won't get a chance to redo anything or another game, so you make this moment count.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her commitment. The commitment to juggle both a sports life and school life. Coming home from an away game at ten o' clock at night and still having to do homework and study for that test and finish that book report or project for the next day. The commitment to know that you're a part of a team which means you have to help carry that team and put in a hundred percent just like everyone else. The commitment to make every single practice and game no matter what because this is not just some activity you do on and off. This is something you signed up for because you knew what you were getting yourself into and it's not just about you anymore. You have a team that relies on you just as much as you rely on them. You rely on your setter, your libero, your middle hitter when you need to make a sneaky move to trick the other team, your good passer who won't let any hit get by them. And when you're not able to give your all or be committed, everything falls apart.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her wins. Better known as the greatest feeling in the world. All those long hours in practices finally pay off. There is no greater feeling than pushing hard in a game and seeing the results come out in your favor. And when you get that final point and everyone on your team comes running together and you're jumping up and down and you fall to the ground in disbelief because you're still in awe that you did it. It is very true when they say nothings tastes sweeter than victory

But sometimes....

When you give a girl a volleyball, you also give her losses. Better known as the worst feeling in the world. When you worked so hard in a game that you were winning then losing, then you get tied and you're back and forth with each point until the other team gets you right in the end. All that hard work doesn't work in your favor this time. And you see the other team cheering and happy all while you're trying to keep it all together because you're still pretending to be strong because you know that this is supposed to happen sometimes and you can't win every game. But the loss still hurts, all that blood, sweat, and tears you put into practice feels wasted and you start to lose faith that you can't get back up and keep going. But you look at your teammates and you see them just upset as you but they're still able to smile, shrug and laugh it off and you realize you have to do the same thing too. This is what happens when you play a sport. It's a small price to pay for and you shouldn't feel bad about it. You should let it ignite a fire inside you to keep pushing, work harder and never back down.

When you give a girl a volleyball, you give her confidence. The confidence to get her out of her comfort zone and into something she's not used to. The confidence to try something new whether she falls or flies, achieves or fails. The confidence to see her potential that she never thought she had.

Thank you, volleyball, for showing and teaching me all of this. If it wasn't for this sport, I wouldn't be the person I am today. Even though I decided to give it up, there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss it, even the bad days too.

You gave a shy girl who was used to standing behind the shadows a place to shine once I stepped onto that court. I am forever grateful for you.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who Put Down Her Volleyball