When You Feel You're Not Good Enough For Someone

An Open Letter To The Girls Who Don’t Feel Good Enough

You deserve more than second thoughts and maybes.

Chani Corpus

There are two main problems girls experience when dating boys. The first is he seems really interested for maybe a week or two and you think, "Oh, he might actually like me, I'm excited to see where this goes!" Then the replies get slower, it seems like he's always making excuses as to why he can't see you or how he's been too busy to talk. You make up your own ideas to excuse his apparent lack of interest in order to stay hopeful that things may work out. As the disinterest continues, you start to think: "Maybe it's not him, maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not good enough."

The second problem is pretty much the same as the first but in a longer timeline. The two of you are solid for over a month, you go on dates, he introduces you to his friends, you talk about everything, you make plans for the future, you feel as though you'll end up in a relationship soon! Then he says he needs a break. He needs to figure out how he really feels about you and you start to think: "Am I too much for him? Did I do something wrong? Did he find someone else? Am I not good enough?"

Why is it that when a boy shows disinterest you automatically assume you are to blame? Stop taking the blame for others' lack of interest.

Why do you not know you deserve someone who knows he wants you instead of someone who has to think about it. He should know, and if he doesn't, then he is the one who is not good enough for you.

A small disclaimer that I have learned recently, though: before you assume someone is losing feelings or is no longer interested in you, ask them. So many relationships end in hurt when neither party communicates honestly with the other. Sometimes you think you're the one being hurt when in reality you're also doing or did things that hurt the person you're interested in as well.

In the big picture though, it's not easy to tell yourself "I am good enough," and move on. You can tell yourself that you're good enough 100 times and still just feel like there's something wrong with you, right? You get caught up in that feeling without a way out insight.

What I've learned is that it's OK to feel like you aren't good enough — as long as you know it's not the truth. You can't help how your brain is wired to deal with your emotions. What you can do, however, is reflect on who you are and what you can control.

What physical traits do you love about yourself? Look in the mirror and pick them out. What makes your heart happy? Seek more of that. What're your reasons for getting up in the morning? Invest time in those. Maybe he didn't see those traits and aspirations— but you do, and they're beautiful.

Once you start seeing the beautiful parts of yourself that you love, you start to realize that you deserve to be with someone who sees you how you see you.

Throughout this process of trying to pick yourself back up again after falling for the wrong person, remember this:

You are worth more than second thoughts and maybes.

So... What now?

1. Allow yourself to not feel good enough, as long as you remind yourself that you are.
2. Don't allow your previous relationships to affect or sway how you feel about your current relationship.
3. Remember there is more to your life than searching for a boy who will want you. He will find you. If he's not making the effort, stop trying. Refuse to settle for maybes and I don't knows.
4. Treat yourself with love. Allow yourself to make mistakes and to get hurt — but learn from this in the future.

And girl, you keep asking yourself what part of you wasn't good enough, when really you should be asking what part of you allowed yourself to be treated as if you weren't. Because you are.

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