Alright, guys, listen up. This is going to be the single most important course you'll ever take in college. The benefits you reap from what you'll learn here will be exponentially more useful than really anything else. This course is designed to answer questions, dispel rumors, and give you tips on the mysterious creature you've all tried and failed to understand: The Girl. We have no time to waste, so let's dive right in.
1. Not every girl is the same. I know you're used to telling girls "but I'm not like every other guy" and expecting them to believe it, while also holding a preconceived notion on how girls are going to behave for simply being a girl. You're being a hypocrite. Some girls want to get married and have kids. Some girls don't want any of that. Some girls are very emotional. Some girls hate having feelings. Some girls are petty. Some girls hate confrontation. Some girls drink white wine spritzers and watch The Bachelor with all of their friends. Some girls drink beer and watch Monday Night Football. You're not going to find two girls who are the exact same unless you are looking for the same traits in them.
2. Our main goal is to be happy. Like I just said, girls have very different tastes and different versions of "happy". Before you go and think that what would make a girl happy is a committed relationship filled with fancy dates, baskets of candy, and sacrificing your soul to her, ask her what she would want. Don't make assumptions on her intentions.
3. We hate wasting our time just as much as you do. When you start seeing a girl through a different lens (romantically, sexually, or platonically), you start developing intentions. You have a goal: a relationship, a few nights, or the role as maid-of-honor in her wedding. The best thing you can do is be honest with your intentions. Chances are, they'll agree with you. If you just want to hook up, tell her. Don't lead her on. If you want to date her, tell her. Don't hide in the 'friend zone'. If you just want to be friends, tell her. Don't make her put energy into chasing you that she doesn't need. We don't want to end up with expectations and put work into maintaining something that wasn't real just because you weren't clear about what you wanted. We also don't want to waste your time and energy when it could go towards making another girl happy. Be honest.
4. Don't even bother lying. We already know. We know everything. We don't have to creep on your social media, we don't have to ask your friends, and we don't need to do all of the "crazy" things you accuse us of doing to know when you're hiding something. Just don't bother in the first place. The reason guys lie is because they're afraid of the girl's reaction to the truth. In doing that, you assume our reaction before even seeing it. Don't try lying. You're much better off facing the consequences for texting Becky back than for changing her name in your phone to Craig. Don't do things you shouldn't.
5. Girls are not innately crazy. We are not born that way. We are different in every relationship, too. With one guy, we might be laid back and not worry. With another, we might need to see your phone all the time (personally, I think that's overkill, but some girls are like that). Don't expect us to treat you the same way as every guy before or after you. The reason that girls act possessive or overbearing is because of a fear that you will find someone better. The best way to prevent this is to make sure your girl doesn't have that fear. Don't make her think you're in the market for someone better. Don't let her worry about that. Girls would not do something so irrational if you did not give a reason to.
With that said, if your girl is constantly worrying about who you're with and what you're doing and you have made sure that there is no reason for her to be worried, you might have to reconsider the terms of your relationship. You deserve better than someone who doesn't trust you just for the sake of not trusting you, and she deserves peace of mind.
6. Don't be afraid to make the first move. Girls have been conditioned by society into this learned helplessness when it comes to initiating the first 'move'. We feel that it's not really our place. Now, lots of girls will approach guys or tell you of their intentions first. The vast majority of girls, on the other hand, will need you to say something first.
7. We've been hurt. A lot. The reason we act the way we do, feel the way we do, or hide our feelings is because we've been through vulnerable situations before. It's our mistake for assuming that you'll act just like every other guy has (please refer to lesson #1). Do something to express your individuality. Make a routine or a tradition that's just yours (phone calls before bed, weekly movie nights, trying new foods together). Establish your identity as Joe, not just Joe the Boyfriend.
8. We want you to be happy, too. Probably more so than how happy you think you want us to be. Give us ideas to help us make this a better experience for you. Tell us what you like and don't like. Open up your feelings and dreams, if you're comfortable. This is a two-way street.
9. If you think the relationship if over with, don't drag it on for the sake of convenience or avoiding confrontation. It's best to try to end things on a good note than to let the relationship spoil. Think about what's going to be better- dealing with the hurt now and growing from it, or torturing each other until you can't take it anymore.
10. Use your brains. Guys act without thinking a lot. Girls think everything through a lot more before they even divide a plan for action. Example: Shelly posts a picture on Instagram. So does her friend, Liz. Shelly's boyfriend likes both pictures. Shelly gets upset, because in her mind this means that he likes Liz just as much as Shelly and now there's a whole improbably circumstance going through Shelly's head within seconds of this happening. To her boyfriend, he was scrolling through Instagram and hit the 'like' button. I'm not telling you not to do things, but I'm saying that you need to understand that girls, in general, analyze everything down past its point of origin. Guys tend to underestimate and under analyze. Use your brain and her brain and communicate between the two of you a happy medium.
11. The last and final lesson, which also serves as a rule of thumb: don't treat girls, women, your girlfriend, your best friend, or your wife in a way that you wouldn't want to see someone do to your sister, your mother, or your daughter one day. The girls in your life are somebody's sister, somebody's daughter, and will be somebody's mother. Keep that in mind.
