A Girl Like Her is a film most have probably seen in his or her Netflix queue recently. Directed and written by Amy S. Weber, it delves into what makes a bully a bully. The film starts out as a high school being documented for its accomplishments as one of the Top 10 public schools in America.
However, the filmmakers catch wind of a rumor and that’s when the focus shifts to16-year-old Jessica Burns (Lexi Ainsworth) and the harassment she receives from her classmate and former friend, Avery Keller (Hunter King). After six months of the bullying, Jessica’s best friend Brain Slater (Jimmy Bennett) convinces her to document the bullying on film with a camera disguised as a dragon fly pin.
Eventually the harassment drives Jessica to a suicide attempt putting her in a coma indefinitely. Then the movie splits its focus between Jessica and Avery to takes a closer look at Avery’s home life and eventually her bullying of Jessica.
Jessica’s story is the favorable one but not the only important story in the film. While Jessica’s story is important, what Weber does is opens the table for a new and equally vital conversation about the bully.
Weber does not sugar coat Avery’s actions and their consequences. She doesn’t try to make her likable. The one thing Weber does is shows that Avery is just as much a victim as Jessica.
In situations regarding bullying, the focus is often on the bullied person and not the bully. The plot of most stories, fiction or non-fiction, on this topic tend to focus on the bullied person overcoming their tormentor, their insecurities, and then having some cathartic moment in which the bullied tells the bully what’s what and there is some sort of reconciliation.
There is typically no discussion about why the bully is treating someone the way they are.
“If there’s anything I learned in the course of my life, it’s that hurt people are the ones that hurt people,” said a parent during a PTA meeting in the film. The same parent also stresses the mental health of the bully needs to be paid attention to in order to bring them healing.
When researching statistics about bullies and their mental health, I found there are few studies done. Most articles reiterate the same study done by Brown University around 2012. The rest of the articles focused on the bullied children.
In a survey taken in 2007 by the National Survey of Children’s Health, around 15% of U.S. children were identified as bullies (abcnews.go.com).
In the study done by Brown University, a survey taken by parents of around 64,000 children between the ages 6 and 17 expresses children who were identified as being bullies are also likely to suffer from a mental disorder (abcnews.go.com).
Both studies illustrate bullies are two times more likely to have depression, anxiety, or ADD. They are also six times more likely to experience ongoing episodes of anger and hostility towards authority figures (these actions may lead to a diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder).
Alan Hilfer, chief psychologist at Maimonedes Medical Center in Brooklyn, N.Y., is cited in the ABC News article saying bullies will socially abuse others in the ways they have been socially abused.
"[Bullies] can be depressed, fearful, and they often take out some of their anger and frustration on others down the pecking order," said Hilfer (abcnews.go.com).
For whatever reason there seems to be little discussion or interest in the mental and emotional health of a bully. In a society that lives by the mantra “forget the haters,” there has been a stigma and stereotype created against bullies.
The idea that the bully might be suffering emotionally is dismissed. It’s important to remember that growing up is hard on everyone and bullies are growing up too. They have their own set of insecurities, battles, and personal struggles. So instead of immediately siding with the “victim” try not taking a side and trying to understand why this person is lashing out. Then try to help them understand exactly what their actions can lead to.
A Girl Like Her presents the fact that bullies come in all shapes and sizes. Bullies are not only children on the playground or teenagers in the halls. A bully can be a parent, teacher, sibling, or even friend.
The film gets its message across clearly: the bullies suffer just as much as the bullied. To restate what the PTA parent said, hurt people are the ones who hurt people and there needs to be something done to bring both victims of social abuse healing.
