When A Girl's Guy Friends Don't Respect The Friend Zone

To The Guy Friend That Pushed The Envelope Too Far, Respect My Boundaries

A reminder that there is a clear boundary between being friends and wanting something more.

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Dear friend,

I don't know if you will see this, but here's what I want you to know:

I met you at a low point in life and am thankful for having you to talk to when no one else would listen. Even though we had two different personalities you gave me hope that things would get better. However, I got busy and times have changed. We've gone our own ways, but what bothered me the most were your actions that pushed for something more.

Even after numerous instances where friends turned flirty, I called out your actions, told you to stop, but eventually, you persisted. You don't seem to get how your actions affect me and cause lots of confusion. And no, I'm not crazy for thinking that you stroking my arm, putting your head on my shoulder, and reaching for my hand is just "what guy friends do." You lie and say you don't have feelings for me which is obviously not true, proving evidence of your current actions.

After I said "stop sending me shirtless Snapchat selfies," you persisted with your flirty Snapchats. Even after I felt like I had said no so many times, it is if my voice didn't matter. While increasingly getting fed up, I took matters into my own hands and shoved you out so you would eventually stop. I wish it could have been different, but you needed to learn your lesson on how to restrain yourself when things go too far. It makes women uncomfortable and there are plenty of other guys that are better at communicating your emotions than you do.

I want you to know that your friend/flirty actions trap other women into a state of confusion, so they will keep coming back for more. I know I'm not alone and that there are plenty of other women just like me, more than willing to tell the same story over and over again. I showed you that I can be in control of your actions against me, even when society at times refuses to believe women have strengths and aren't just objects/pretty things to look at.

So here I am, unhinged, out of a cage showing the world I have as much power as you do. Righting the ship, righting the wrongs, and showing my equality to the rest of the world. I do not need to put up with your repetitive actions or, as a man has said to me, "put up with some of it because you're a woman." I also don't need to "just be his friend" to fit the "nice" stereotype that is expected of all women. I can be respectful, disciplined, and fair. Notice that nice doesn't necessarily fall under those three categories.

After experiencing a large amount of oppression from my guy peers in the past year, your case would be on the more severe side. And I'm here to let you know, I can take you too.

Sincerely,

Your Ex-friend

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Finding Your Niche In College Starts With Finding You

Attempting to be someone you are not for the sake of having company only hurts you in the long run.

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Transitioning to college is hard enough, but trying to find a place where you feel "at home" can make this time even more stressful. Here are some tips on how to find that place/group of people that make you feel like sunshine.

I have always felt a little out of place wherever I went, but it wasn't until college that I realized that this feeling was so special and more people should capitalize on their differences rather than conforming to a certain mold. Transitioning to college and finding your place among so many people can be very overwhelming. The added stress of attempting to be someone you aren't for the sake of having company adds a whole other layer to this problem. The easiest thing for me to do in any situation like this is trying to make the setting a little smaller. One of the most obvious ways to do this on a college campus is by getting involved!

It is inevitable that within the first few weeks of the semester at any college, there will be an organization fair. This is a chance to scope out all that your school has to offer! Chances are there will be some type of group or club that lines up with your interests. Most college campuses have extracurricular opportunities ranging from social sororities and fraternities, professional ones, intermural sports, vocal groups, and so many more. You are more than likely going to find some type of organization that you can call home if you seek them out. Joining an organization is such an easy way to interact with people with similar interests. An interest can bring two completely different people together and create some beautiful friendships. It is situations like this where it is important to be your authentic self and mingle with those you share something with.

That being said, finding your place in college isn't always about being involved. Getting involved on campus is just one of the simplest ways to start. There are so many other opportunities on campus to meet people whether it be among others in your residence hall, people in your classes, or just people you find yourself stumbling upon! Finding people to spend your time with is easy; however, you should make it a point to surround yourself with people who bring you up.

Once you have a set group of people that you find yourself spending time with, it is important to pay attention to the way you feel when you're around them. If you find yourself feeling bad about yourself or get the impression that you need to change something in order to "fit in," chances are the people you're around are not the best for you or your self-esteem. It is important to surround yourself with people who allow you to feel comfortable in your own skin. That being said, you also want people who encourage you to make good decisions and help you reach your goals. People who encourage toxic behavior in your life might be fun in the short term, but in the grand scheme of things, you need to be surrounded by people with your best interest in mind. Essentially, surrounding yourself with people who influence you to be your best self is one of the best decisions you can make short and long term.

The key to all of this is being conscious of your own feelings and needs. Pay attention to who reaches out to you to hang out. Notice the ones who pay attention to you as you speak when it feels like no one is listening. More than anything, be conscious of who you're with and where you're at when you experience moments of pure happiness. Life is too short to waste your precious time on people who don't build you up. Wouldn't you rather spend your time with more moments of pure joy than self-hate? Start living for you!

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