I hope she makes you happy. I hope she’s worth losing someone who truly cared and wanted the best for you.
And I still want the best for you even though we are through because I know you were struggling. I know you have big dreams and I hope you achieve them. But before you break another girl’s heart, I want you to know how it felt to have mine broken.
I didn’t understand.
Why would you do this to me when I did nothing wrong? I must have done something wrong, even though everyone tells me I didn’t. It just doesn’t make sense why I would be cheated on. I thought I made you happy. I thought you were starting to heal from your past hurts and heartbreaks. I was happy for you. I was proud of you.
And maybe it’s easier because I did nothing wrong.
The comfort that I could move on without a guilty conscience. Knowing that I tried my best to make you happy. Although I had no idea that you cheated until the day you told me. I was so in love with you, and to this day, I guess I always knew something was going wrong but I didn’t know what.
I could feel you growing distant.
I could feel you slipping away. And I became riddled with anxiety because I just didn’t know what I was doing wrong. I’ll never forget when someone told me that my anxiety might just be intuition…and I think that in this case, they were definitely right.
I broke down crying the day I really thought something was wrong and you didn’t seem to care. I called the only person I felt I could and they tried so hard to make me feel better, but they knew what was going on and couldn’t tell me. I wouldn’t have wanted to hear it from them anyway, I needed to hear it from you.
I called that same person the night you told me you cheated on me and ended things.
I was so blessed to have them in my life because I don’t think I would have healed as well without them. Why did you end things the way you did? You called me on the phone when you knew I was alone with no one there to comfort me. You called me after we had seen each other in person a couple days prior. You called me on your drive from one place to another and spent the rest of your night having fun with friends while you knew, again, that I was alone and had no one to comfort me. It just didn’t seem fair, why didn’t you tell me in person? I don’t understand, and I probably never will.
The thing that confuses me the most, I guess, is how you would cheat on me after you had been cheated on yourself.
You knew the hurt, the pain, the emptiness. You knew how it felt, and I remember you talking to me about your past and how it crushed you. Why would you put someone else through that hurt that so badly hurt you?
I am not invisible.
I am not going to be completely gone from your life and you have to accept that. We will run into each other again, and it blows my mind how when we have run into each other, you do everything in your power to not look at me, speak to me, or really even be in my presence. This is coming from the person who said they wanted to still be friends after we broke up because, hey, we both knew we would run into each other again.
To the girl after me, I know he promised you that he would never cheat on you.
But he told me the same thing and I was too blind to see that the phrase “Once a cheater, always a cheater” would always be true. I don’t want you to go through the hurt that I went through, and I hope you never will. I hope that he really does keep his promise of not cheating on you. I hope that you can help him heal fully and grow to the highest potential. Help him accomplish the goals he has set.
Support him in his dreams. Be there for him to listen to. And most of all, make sure he does the same for you.