Nope, not the kind that say “boo!” and scare you in the night. The term “ghosting” refers to a modern dating phenomenon that may be the spawn of how easy it is to ignore a text. In fact, it is likely that you have ghosted someone or have been ghosted yourself. The expression is pop culture slang for engaging in potential relationship-like activities and then abruptly falling off the face of the earth in an effort to get the other person to “get the hint” that you are not longer interested. Sounds harsh, right? It usually is. Upon doing a little research on the topic and contemplating my own past experiences, I have determined that it depends on the context.
There is nothing more exciting than meeting someone new. Someone to which you feel has some serious potential to change your life, or whatever. However, after spending a couple evenings with said person, you determine that no truly spectacular romance is manifesting. The question is, is it better to rip it off like a bandaid and blatantly ignore his or her texts to avoid an awkward exchange? Or should you back away slowly, stumbling over uncomfortably concise text messages while dodging the question of making plans? Option number one leaves trace amounts of guilt. You may have caused the ghostee, some serious distress. The thought process behind your decision making is officially a mystery. They are now frantically trying to remember if they made too many bad jokes or forgot to wear deodorant to your date when truthfully, you just really weren’t feeling it. The latter suggests you should take the guessing out of the game and tell them like it is. Yet this puts you at risk for uttering those painfully classic phrases like “it’s not you, its me” or “i’m just not sure this is going to work out.”
In college, the relationship turnover rate is alarmingly high. The large quantity of bodies in such an accessible environment always leaves people wondering what might be coming next. So next time you are thinking about ghosting someone, consider how long the interaction was. If you only met a few times and it seems as though the feelings of incompatibility were mutual, go ahead and ghost ‘em, they may not even notice. Also, make sure that the probability for which you will see this person again is small in order to avoid that awkward encounter involving the “I know you and you suck” glances. This is a major key for college kids because we all tend to run around the same social scene. So, don’t ghost your friends. Hell, don’t even ghost your friends' friends, just to be safe. In contrast, relationships to which you spent a considerable amount of time, emotional vulnerability, and maybe a little money on should never end in ghosting. Ghosting someone you know had some serious feelings for you just demonstrates that you lack maturity in communication. As uncomfortable as it may be, that person deserves to know what you are thinking.
Although ghosting may seem appropriate in select situations, I think it is much more beneficial to avoid the art all together. In a time where navigating the rough waters of the dating pool seems more stressful than ever, put in the effort to make some meaningful connections. Sure, this subjects you to having to do some explaining if it doesn’t work out, but the pay off could be even better.
