It was beautiful. We were inseparable, there was love and laughter, and then there was nothing. The inside jokes began to lose their appeal, the phone calls got shorter, the texts more abrupt, and I tried to hold onto the unraveling threads of what could have been, but they slipped away from my grasp. And then there was nothing.

And sometimes that is okay.

When we got to the point where we weren’t going to be in each other's lives anymore, the first feeling to hit me was shock. You were supposed to be there forever, you were my rock, I couldn’t get through the day without texting you because something reminded me of you. How could we let this happen?

Then the blaming happened. Why did you mess up. You ruined us, you took away what could have been and it took me around half a day of unbearable anger and countless angst-ridden playlists to realize that this wasn’t just you. It was US. You had your flaws, but I had mine too.

That realization lead to guilt. My flaws became more and more prevalent, and soon I blamed myself and not you, and that wasn’t okay either. I began to pick at things about myself that I had no control over. I missed you more than ever because hating myself meant idolizing you. Every flaw I had was another reason why you were so much better than I was.

Through all of this, there was not one person with whom I could talk to, because there was a sense of embarrassment that lingered. Everyone I knew, knew about you. You were my other half. There was this underlying humiliation that would come with admitting I was naive enough to think you were going to be in my life forever.

But after nights of wet pillowcases and nostalgia hitting me no matter where I went, there was a moment of clarity. You and I, we weren’t meant to be. You were not my soul mate. You were not meant to be in my life forever. That is not on me. That is not on you either. You helped me grow, you taught me things and when your role in my life was over, you left.

That is not a bad thing. It just meant that there are new things I have to learn, and there are other people out there who are going to teach it to me. You were my best friend. I don’t think I can forget you, but I don’t want to. You were a chapter in my life that I finished reading. Maybe our paths will cross again, and maybe they won’t, but either way, I am grateful for the times we shared.

Thanks for everything. It was memorable to say the least. But I don’t need you like I thought I did.