Yeeting Out Of A Toxic Relationship

Yeeting Out Of A Toxic Relationship

Even though we broke up in the end

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This generation seems to have a problem with relationships. Whether it's committing to one or not getting out of one that may not be the best for you. I can speak from personal experiences when I say it's hard to get out of a toxic relationship but 10/10 times it's for the best. Getting out of a toxic relationship can let you grow as a person. In my personal opinion, we need to grow as people and learn what we like before we worry about being in a relationship and learning what your significant other likes.

I have a huge fear of being alone for the rest of my life and feeling alone. This has led me to stick around in some relationships that weren't the best for me as a person or each of us as a unit. There are a lot of red flags to be on the lookout for when in a toxic relationship. If the person your dating is mentally draining and doesn't make you feel the best, the majority of your relationship, then its time to leave.

You shouldn't need to feel guilted into be in a relationship. Recently I had to clarify with someone that I had dated before that we were not dating. Long distance is hard but there is a difference between dating long distance right and dating wrong. If there isn't an effort on either side to come to visit or talk to someone every day then the feelings may be fading. The guy I was with was overly jealous, when one of my guy friends would comment on my Instagram posts he would either comment back tagging them, text me pissed or in the case of the other day would text my friend directly.

Mentally I was swimming in circles. Trying to hold onto the happy relationship we had started out with that was fading fast. He turned into a possessive petty guy. And it's perfectly okay to not be attracted to someone anymore. I had noticed that he had begun to let himself go, not really eating healthily and not working out. May sound selfish but...

Then the other day when I was at a sorority retreat I had a message from my best friend, my guy friend and a missed call from my ex (who was convinced we were still dating). He wouldn't stop trying to contact me after I had told him I was at something important. When I got home that day we talked on the phone and it didn't end well. The whole phone call was shitting on me, blaming me for coming into his life and making him think I cared so much about him, "making" him spend all the money he doesn't have on me and apparently I was treating him like shit for needing to take some personal days and not text anyone.

In the end, I realized that it wasn't worth it to stay in a relationship with someone who feels like they're giving so much to you when they really aren't. It's not about the money or sex, it's about the memories and effort, the late-night phone calls that make you smile and the occasional letter in the mail. It shouldn't be a mental mind game dating someone, it should just come easily.

I could tell that I was falling out of love when slowly I just wouldn't want to message him anymore and when he mentioned about coming to visit or transfer schools to be with me it hit me in the pit of my stomach. I started to detach myself from the relationship and when I took a step back to analyze it from afar I realized how bad the relationship actually was. We both would constantly get mad with each other for stupid things and even when we were home together he would push me to do things I didn't want to like going to a party at his friend's house who I knew didn't like me. But he guilted me into by saying how I never did anything for him and he would be mad if I didn't go.

I began to see the door slamming shut on our happy relationship. It's hard to let something go but sometimes you just have to.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Ladies, Stop Trying To Teach Boys How To Be Your Man If They're Not Even Men In The First Place

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

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I see. this way too often, honestly it upsets me and breaks my heart. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to put her on her Snapchat story. It breaks my heart when I see a girl begging her boyfriend to get off a video game and spend time with her. It breaks my heart when I see a girl doodling on a napkin at the dinner table and her boyfriend is on his phone and hasn't even looked up at her once. These things break my heart because this girl, whoever she may be, maybe it is you? She deserves a man. What she has though, is a boy. And before you say anything, yes, there is a huge difference.

I was that girl once. I begged and begged my ex-boyfriend all the time to put me on his Snapchat story. You may be reading this and be thinking "Wow she's a little attention seeking." No, that is not it at all. A simple act of being posted about made me feel special, loved, missed at times, and served as reassurance and a word of affirmation for me. Do you want to know something silly? Maybe you've done it too. Sometimes I would do something crazy to get his attention. Something funny, and silly and random just so he would post me on his story and I wouldn't have to ask.

At the dinner table, I was that girl that while he was on his phone I was sliding him notes on a napkin saying "I love you" or "Hi" or funny jokes to get his full and undivided attention.

At home, I was the girl that used to literally throw myself at him while he was playing video games to try and get him to press pause for two minutes and pay attention to me and have a conversation with me.

You see, I was that girl. But I refuse to ever be that girl again. If you are that girl, stop what you're doing.

It is your job to love him. But it is not your job to teach him how to love you back.

There is a big difference between a boy and a man. Contrary to what society may believe most boys don't actually turn into men until they are almost 40. Scary for us girls right? But here's the kicker and to be honest it has nothing to do with age.

Any boy that is in the process of becoming a man and maturing is going to know how to treat a woman. He is not going to choose video games or his phone over you. He is going to post you everywhere all the time because he wants to show you off to the world and make you feel special. He isn't going to ever leave you wondering.

The list could really go on comparing and contrasting the differences between a boy and a man but the important ones to remember when you are in a relationship are:

1. A boy thinks "me." A man thinks "us"

2. A boy gives false promises. A man honors his commitments (one being you.)

3. A boy cares about how you look in jeans. A man cares about how you look in his future.

4. You will always wonder how a boy feels about you. You will always know how a man feels about you.

All too often I see girls in the act of this. It is almost like they are training a dog or raising a child. They order them around and become demanding when it comes to doing things that make them feel special, validated and reassured. Granted, they are doing this because their relationship is lacking something but the truth is, it shouldn't be lacking something in the first place.

You are dating a boy not a man. I hate to break that to you. I really do. It's the hardest news you'll ever receive. Why? Well because

You can't fix him, you can't teach him, and you can't change a boy into a man. They have to do it on their own

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