Yes, I may go from happy to upset quickly after receiving some bad news or unfair treatment, but that is how everyone reacts to negativity. It is not abnormal. What is abnormal and affects daily functioning is naturally changing entire mental states for weeks or months at a time. That is what makes bipolar disorder an actual, legitimate mental illness in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V). Being bipolar is by far the most frustrating part of my life, and here is why...
It takes me a while to notice the change. It might happen over night, but it still takes me a few days, sometimes weeks, to notice that I am in a depressive state again. Suddenly, it hits me that for a little while now, I have been more irritable, hungrier, more reclusive, thinking more negatively about literally everything, and a lot more tired despite the excessive hours of sleep. Not to mention, my room becomes a mess. It is as if I forgot where everything goes and decided that putting everything on the floor would make my life easier (it does not). It is a negative correlation-- the messier my room is, the more unhappy I am.
I really cannot help it. Biologically, it is a chemical imbalance in the brain that also appears to be genetic. Environmentally, I have gone through my fair share of negative experiences that are a classic recipe for depression. Despite the medication and therapy, this disorder still exists in me and requires heavy maintenance.
It requires heavy maintenance. Taking my pill every night is a routine, but somehow I still forget to take it before going to sleep. It is right when I am perfectly comfortable in bed that I remember, and as for anybody, having to get up when you are so comfortable and sleepy can be quite irritating. As for therapy, although I feel more content and hopeful after each session, having to go is often a drag.
The medication. Fortunately, I have found my medication to be extremely helpful. Unfortunately, missing even one dose when you have bipolar disorder can have some major negative affects. On top of that, mixing this pill with alcohol is terrible for both the mind and body, being the only person not drinking will always be somewhat annoying because everyone insists that you participate and ask why you refuse and assume you are pretentious.
Hopelessness. I was happy and everything was going just fine until the depression came back for more. It is the biggest tease, and it can make you so incredibly hopeless for your future. It makes you wonder if the happiness will ever last, if you will be happy when you die, and if your life will ever be normal. I start to cry out of frustration because it is happening again, and I loved the person I was when I was happy.
This illness affects my day-to-day life and it can be a huge burden, not only on myself, but to those around me. For that, I am extremely thankful for the people that have stuck around throughout the years and who support and love me whether I am happy or depressed. Bipolar disorder affects me, but it does not define me, and the frustration will not stop me from trying to enjoy every day of my life.
