From the girl who second guesses herself, it's not always easy to feel confident in the choices that I make. Maybe I'm too hard on myself; maybe I need to relax. That is true, but second guessing myself is part of who I am. For some reason, I am not wired to make rash decisions without putting thought into them. I'm an over-thinker, an overachiever, and a world-class worry-wart.

Why be so cautious about everything? You may ask.

The answer: I don't know.

It's almost as if there's a little voice in the back of my head; it's similar to Jiminy Cricket and how he guided Pinocchio. It always evaluates my decisions, and then lists every possible thing that could go wrong. It pops up during every day things, such as picking out an ensemble, to life-altering decisions, like what career choice to pursue. No matter what I do, I cannot get it out of my mind, and I cannot stop being obedient like it's my master.

The truth is, I envy those who can live life out on a whim and be carefree. I want to feel that sense of freedom. I want to be released from this unwanted contract of doom and gloom. I can only imagine the weight that would be lifted from my shoulders if I didn't question myself 24/7. What's the first step into achieving this mindset? Learning from it.

If you can't do it right away, fake it until you make it. Every now and then I will let myself make a decision without worrying about the minor consequences involved. Maybe one day I will find a balance of order and disorder; chaos and organization.

In other ways I'm thankful for the voice in my head because it never hurts to reconsider. You never know when you may need to think something over. The best thing to do is to always trust your instincts. I'd rather be paranoid than reckless.

I think it's some defense mechanism of mine. Sometimes I'm afraid of getting close to people; a fear of the unknown. Or I'm terrified of what would happen if something went right. It gives me a way to build walls to protect myself. It's very hard for me to let my guard down. It's a rare occasion when someone has the ability to climb over or destroy the walls. Even strangers notice how reserved I can be.

Being inquisitive is a blessing and a curse. In this moment in time, it feels more like a burden. It's exhausting, lonely, and isolating. It's unhealthy. I'm willing to do anything to change because I don't want to miss out. The change can only come from myself, and no one else.

Long story short, the girl who second guesses herself isn't stone cold or made of ice. She doesn't have a black hole of a heart. She doesn't want to get caught into something she shouldn't be in because she knows she's fragile. She knows her limits, and doesn't want to be influenced by outsiders. She wants to be who she is.