Are you a girl without a boyfriend, or maybe never has had a boyfriend?

I have been in your shoes, and in fact, I am still wearing them.

However, I am sick and tired of seeing article after article about being single on my news feed. 10 Reasons Being Single During the Holidays Kinda Sucks. No, I’m Single and Yes I’m Okay With That. 5 Things Single Girls Hear at Thanksgiving.

Who are you talking to, yourself or your readers?

If you are a 20-something young woman in college you are in your prime. You are young, attractive, full of energy and ambition. Instead of embracing how good you have it, you want to complain about the one aspect of your life that is not perfect. Come on now. And some of you claim you aren’t upset about being single, but you write WHOLE ARTICLES justifying your relationship status. Sis, I am not buying it.

Being single is not a disease, and a relationship is not the antidote.

This summer I met someone nice, dated him for a while and realized…what if I did not want a boyfriend after all? Having a man (for once) was not going to fix my life or make it better in any way. Literally nothing would change but a regular date on the weekends. I am still relatively poor, still working on my degree, still unsure what graduate school to apply to. And don’t get me started on prepping for the GRE exam. Don’t get me wrong, I get lonely like everyone else.

But I realized I did not just want “a boyfriend.” I wanted THE BOYFRIEND.

I wanted a healthy relationship. I want to be with someone who shows me they care every day. I do not want to worry about where he has been or if he still likes me. I want to be happy and content, passion be damned. I want a love that warms my whole body slowly, like sitting in front of a fireplace on a cold night. I want peace and emotional security, especially considering how crazy life can be as a college student.

All of those things I can give myself. That was the crazy part. All of the things I needed from someone else – the comfort, the attention, the affection – I can give MYSELF. It would be wonderful to have someone to dote on me, but it is not a necessity. Emotional validation from a confused 20-year-old man is something I can live without.

If I am being entirely honest, a lot of us want boyfriends so bad because we are BORED.

You want someone to cuddle with and talk to now that your friends have found someone. Forget about living a vicarious life, you just want a guy to do the work for you. You want someone to call “bae” so badly you don’t properly test these guys to see if the love is real. And when it ends quickly, what do we do? We complain and cry to our friends about how “immature” men are.

Perhaps we are the immature ones. Looking to men for external love and validation is unnecessary and off-putting. At some point, you have to find peace in solitude. It is one thing to desire companionship, but a lot of women come across as if they want someone to fulfill them. To fill a void that someone else left empty. Are you guilty of that?

Take this time during the holiday season to reflect.

Reflect on your experiences with men this year and what you have learned. Spend time with family and friends and make new memories. And for the love of God, please stop defending your choices or complaining about what you wish you had. Just live your life.