“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”
― Kahlil Gibran
Even on the best of days, life isn't easy. And it's not going to be. That's just a given. But life can also be exceptionally hard, especially on the worst of days: those days where nothing seems to go right at all. We've all experienced at least "one of those days." But for some people, "those days" can extend into weeks, months, possibly a year, even more. And although it's hard to admit, I am one of those people. I know what it's like to be a feeling person within a society that shuts down unhappy emotions. While many may believe we appear stronger if we suppress these unpleasant emotions, believing that somehow being emotionless makes us superhuman, we become the opposite. We take away from the true human experience, the necessary pain, which we are meant to feel. For, life can only truly be experienced when lived vulnerably: by being human.
What we must remember is that while humans are prideful beings, they are also fragile creatures. A human being can shatter into millions of minuscule pieces with the slightest touch. It is during times of hardship we often encounter a sense of helplessness and confusion. Too often do we question our suffering and our actions to which we believe our despair has stemmed. Too often do we seek recovery without viewing this single moment as one that may prompt a change and boost us to grow. Too often do we create a deeper hole to crawl farther in hide ourselves from our reality. We question what we have done to receive such underserving pain. Perhaps in the moment of it all, we forget that this pain is possibly unavoidable, inevitable even.
We forget that there are certain situations where pain demands to be felt. And that sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways. For, maybe we are not meant to but understand why we are suffering, nor are meant to feel better about our individual situation. Perhaps we are not meant to be consoled. Rather, we are meant to endure. We are meant to witness this moment, and to see the world as it is. We are to sit with the pain and comprehend the changes that are to come.
As life does not have a prescribed itinerary for day to day life, we encounter the unknown, hit with the unexpected. For the only predictable thing about life, are the unpredictabilities that come with it. While many people say that these rough times are only a small bump in the road, this is only true for some situations. Other situations require more attention; they require acknowledgment, as they are made up of a much deeper pain. To acknowledge this kind of pain is to acknowledge our true situation. We cannot feed into the idea that our pain is a disadvantage, that which causes us weakness.
Instead, we tend to sugarcoat our suffering, having created a life of lies: the avoidance of a lonely walk through dark side of life. We have created a barrier of ignorance to mask the truth, to cease the pain we are running from. Our barrier of ignorance is a kind of blind fear, the type to push away what we do not want to know, nor do we want to see. This kind of ignorance is that which temporarily numbs a painful experience. Just as we put ice to an aching limb, we attempt to make ourselves feel better about our situation, telling ourselves the it "doesn’t bother" us and it "doesn’t matter." However, phrases only have the ability to numb the pain temporarily. Eventually, the ice melts. Once the temporary relief has gone, the pain continues to rip us apart from the inside out.
In attempt to reach out to our counterparts, we cautiously share our thoughts, picking and choosing the ones we know are okay to share; the others we keep hidden. Hidden because we know others are not so keen on hearing the gloomy and darker thoughts that we might have throughout the day, those that become more intrusive as we lay alone at night, leaving tear stains on our pillowcases. As pretending to be okay during the day is a rehearsed act, once the show comes to an end after each day, we are able to be our true selves. This is when we realize our attempt to shut out the pain is equally as unbearable as to feel the pain as it is, in its completeness.
This is the release of pain that we try not to expel towards others. These are the thoughts stored deep within the pit of our stomachs that are filled with emptiness. We’re afraid to tell people how we feel. We fear telling them how we truly feel, as we know that it has the power to destroy them, just as it is been destroying us. But then we bury the pain even further within us, where it destroys us even more. As humans, we look for empathy, not sympathy, as it is human nature to find comfort in other beings. It is not human nature to isolate ourselves. If we are not okay, we must be honest with ourselves and not live within our little worlds of ignorance that we have created.
We keep such thoughts hidden in attempt to avoid being a burden in another’s life. For, why bring so much misery into more than one person’s life? In a way, being vulnerable with another person is like tiptoeing around eggshells. For a broken person, this seems like a fine line, hence the simile "tiptoeing around eggshells." Because of this fine line, we often distance ourselves from the ones whom we love, in hopes that they will not leave us. As we cannot change the condition of others’ lives, nor can we change our own. But while we avoid being a burden to them, we become a burden to ourselves. Everyone tries to find a way to smooth everything over as comforting a person whom is in pain, as way to simply make the pain go away. This is easy, as comforting another person is affecting our lives. It is easy to tell someone that they will be okay, that time will heal them, or to do something different in their life. But when being completely honest, we do not know if that is true. We are just trying to give them encouraging thoughts. Because in reality, speaking to someone who is hurt, telling him or her they are not sad is insulting. It insults their current being. They are very much a human being, and they are sad. In essence, telling one that it will be “okay,” means nothing. It does not change their situation. To tell them to “get over it” or “do something else,” is an insult to them, as if they are not worthy to feel themselves.
Because it is not human nature to like uncertainty, nor to not understand the reasons by which things happen, we get frustrated with ourselves, frantically seeking answers that may not even exist. Uncertainty drives us mad, sometimes to the point of insanity. Many times, uncertainty leads to the proposing of false reasoning as to why we are in the position we are because where there is anger, there is pain. We believe that we must have done something wrong in order to deserve this punishment of pain. But that’s not true. And while we may feel as though this excruciatingly period of time will never end, it will. The most important thing to remind ourselves this feeling is necessary; it is a reminder that we are very much human. As we live in a world of chaos, the best we can do is find some way to live within all of it.
Because no one person is perfectly intact, we all have battle scars, maybe even battle wounds. Even if we choose to hide them. We are all fighting or have fought an internal battle within ourselves. But these scars do not make us worthless or weak. Damaged people are dangerous. Why? Because we know we can survive. Because despite it all, here we are.
We must find purpose from our pain. We must find a reason within the chaos. For without suffering, we can never know happiness, nor would we ever know love. Without the sense of hopelessness, we will never know hope. We must remember that all people are healable. All people are worth it. We just heal at different paces. It is not the pain that stands between us and moving on, it is ourselves. To shut out pain is the hindrance of true human experience.
