May of 2014 was our first date. We had decided to meet at Dunkin' Donuts (my favorite place) and have some coffee and just talk for awhile. We had never previously met, but gained contact with each other by mutual friends. I had no idea what to expect. You never know when you first sit down and talk with someone, what you're going to find out. That is the most wonderful and scary part of dating. I sat there wondering (since I arrived first) if this was going to be awkward or delightful or something unusual. I never knew that this one simple day would end up changing the rest of my life—no clue that I was about to enter an emotional roller coaster that would take our relationship to new levels that neither of us had ever experienced before. This was the day that I was about to start learning my new limits and my new strengths, but at a cost.
After getting lost, he finally arrived and I was stunned by the beauty that was walking towards me. I had no idea that that was who I was waiting for, but I felt bad hoping it was him. He walked in and I stood up and greeted him with a huge smile, while also shaking from my nerves. He greeted me in a similar fashion. We had an obvious interest in getting to know each other from the second we met. As we sat down, we began to talk non-stop. I can remember what he even wore to this day (two years later). White shirt with green and blue diamonds, skinny jeans, gray shoes, beanie, and those blue contacts that I thought were his real eye color (to compliment him and be told they are actually green). We continued that date at a local pet store, where we played with dogs (I believe a husky). Later, we continued to Wal-Mart and walked around and kept talking (in my hometown there is really not much to do and we find Wal-Mart to be more of an entertainment thing more so than a shopping place). We finished our date by him taking me back to my home, since I took my motorcycle home (yes, I totally drove it to impress) so we could be in the same car. At the end of this date, we finished with a simple kiss goodbye and smiles that stretched from ear to ear eagerly awaiting the next time we meet. Originally, we had both gone to this date expecting another annoying person who would be weird, strange, or just plain creepy, but ended with someone who we would fall in love with the minute we saw each other.
We got to know each other through the various dates that have happened and time spent together. I distinctly remember him riding to Cleveland (at that time an hour and half drive for us) sitting through my symphony practice, and the concert itself just for me. That was a very long day with an hour and half car ride, two-hour practice and a three-hour concert. I felt so special and happy. Previous people have never showed me any form of caring like that and I had no idea how to even thank him.
There were some signs, though, that I refused to pay attention to that would enviably cause the failing of our relationship. There were some things that I said I was OK with when we first started dating, but later became an issue when I finally expressed it. I won't go into details to what these things were, but will tell you that they ended up being a bigger deal to me than I ever realized before. See, I am a very complex person, more complex than anyone could ever imagine. I never thought this, until I sat down and thought about it. I have high standards, standards that are so high that I barely meet my own. I never realized this until it was way too late to turn back, but still don't even know how to change that in myself or why my standards are so incredibly high.
Back to what I was saying before, though.
We went on adventures like no other. The very first summer that we were together, I took him on a trip to Disney World in Orlando, Florida. During this trip we had an amazing time, but at the same time, found some issues in our relationship that we came to ignore, and that was a mistake. The beginning of the trip was amazing, but by the end of the trip, I was crying outside of the airport because I had had it with the trip and just wanted to get home and had to take out my last $40 to pay the arrogant and rude taxi driver that didn't want to accept my credit card. We previously fought in our hotel, and it was my own fault, and I realize that now and to him when/if he reads this: I'm honestly sorry for that stupid fight that I know I caused and would take it back if I could.
He later took me to Myrtle Beach that same summer, and I didn't want to go on this trip. I had no more money and his parents were paying for everything, but how could I let them do that? I have never had that happen before, and I wanted to bail on the whole trip itself. I'm glad I went though. It was the most wonderful experience and we enjoyed the beach and all. I just had to learn to get over not paying for everything and letting someone else pay for something for once.
Finally, Aug. 21, 2014 we moved him to college (family and I), and I knew this day was more than it was thought to be. Not even a week later, we broke up for the first time. I will not go into the reasoning why because it simply doesn't matter to you nor do you need to know. The only thing you need to know is I was angry, and he was upset at that fact. I never thought he would be in my life again, and I wasn't sure if I even wanted him to be.
We tried dating different people. I actually started to really fall for someone else, but then I realized my feelings were way too strong for my ex. I had to break things off, but at one point, I was playing with two peoples' emotions (I had started talking with my ex again while still talking with the new person) and I had no idea how I got to that point. I felt horrible and knew I couldn't put this new person through something that they had no idea about. So I told him and he stopped talking to me completely (the new guy that is). I understood, but am still upset about that till this day. My ex had gone through almost the same thing that I did and we knew we wanted each other and no one else.
We had gotten back together under a shaky situation, and I knew from that day that we would not make it under the conditions that we both wanted, but I wanted to try and change myself and him to hopefully try changing as well. Us getting back together was like trying to build a house on a foundation made of a single box, it was bound to have many problems and ultimately, collapse.
We fought and when we fought, it was tear-filled, emotionally tormenting, and extremely frustrating. See, I am an emotional person, but he was not unless pushed to extremes, normally. I always seem to push him that far, and I had no idea why. I feel horrible about this to this day. We both fight serious depression and have had untrusting past relationships that have made us both bitter and hard when it comes to being with each other, but we never gave up.
He decided to transfer colleges, to my chosen college, in fact. We chose to move into a nice apartment in downtown Cleveland. We were so excited to move in together. I mean come on, side by side every night, to come home to, to experience life with, and to support each other whenever we needed it. Little did we know that this would force us to realize that he is oil and I am water, and we simply can coexist together, but cannot merge together, no matter how hard we try.
On Dec. 17, 2015 we ended our relationship.
Now, we ended on good terms. We ended on that fact that we are complete opposites. We are similar in very few areas and see things differently and want different things for our future lives. How do you build a life with someone when you're building towards two different things? We ended on common ground and we both agreed to it. We had to make adjustments to our lives and have changes that we did not necessarily wanted.
There was just one huge issue that we both had a problem with.
We wanted each other in our lives, no matter what.
He is my best friend. He knows everything and maybe even more than I realize. He was there for my high school graduation and I was there for his. We started college together, we did everything together. We are each others person, and we couldn't stand losing that.
Best friends are there for you no matter what. He is my best friend and even if we can't be together, maybe one day we will change as people, but for now I have the best friend anyone could have and I wish him the best of luck in anything that he chooses to pursue in his life and hope that he makes his own dreams come true one day and enjoys his house in the mountains while I enjoy my life in the city.
It is possible to stay friends, you just both have to sincerely want it. I hope to anyone out there struggling with a relationship to look at the big picture. What do you want? What do you need? And most importantly, What do you want for a future and will this person want similar things?
