Transitioning from childhood to adolescence to young-adulthood, I know I'm not the only person who cringes when revisiting past pictures or remembering labels I thought defined my entire being at the time. I'm one of the survivors of the infamous high school "emo" phase — and I can't say I'm always proud to admit it. Yes, I took too many "Are you really emo?" quizzes to count, I watched videos of self-proclaimed scene queens and their perfect raccoon eye makeup with envy, and I all but bared my teeth any time I walked past an Abercrombie & Fitch — the latter of which I still do, but for different reasons.
But before you write me off as a holier-than-thou ball of bitterness, hear me out. I'm not saying I sneer at the teenagers or even adults who insist on dressing in all black, spend copious amounts of time applying concise makeup in the mornings or shop exclusively at Hot Topic. Just because I've moved away from that kind of style doesn't mean I look down on those who have continued to embrace it.
In fact, I don't think anyone should be embarrassed of their past selves. Excluding, of course, racists, homophobes and other identities based on belief systems that perpetuate ignorance and hatefulness. Experimentation with different styles and interests is a part of personal growth, and through that kind of self-exploration you come face to face with experiences that force you to make decisions about what's important to you, how you want others to view you, but more importantly, how you want to view yourself.
To some, clothing style or other external forms of expression is a very important part of how they identify themselves, and that's OK. It's also OK if you don't care what clothes you dress in, or prefer not to use makeup (not just talking about the girls here — makeup can be worn by any guy, gal or non-binary pal).
This goes for all identifying factors or means of self-representation — not all of which I can go into here for length's sake. It applies to the person who posts pictures of everything they eat on Instagram, talks about uncomfortably personal things on Facebook or the non-Japanese person who can't stop saying "kawaii," etc.
Can you expect yourself or anyone else not to make automatic judgments about these people? Well, no. Automatic judgment's just part of being human. But I do think it's possible to teach yourself to not continually make negative assumptions about someone you may or may not actually know very well, or write them off as entirely "horrible" or what have you. That kind of conditioning itself is a stretch to expect of someone, I'll admit, because not everyone's willing to put in that kind of effort.
What I'm saying is that identifying yourself as the emo girl, the prep, the boyfriend/girlfriend/SO, the gym rat — it's all a part of personal growth.
Is the growth always flourishing in the right direction?
No.
Is it sometimes emotionally painful?
Yes.
But through every cringe-worthy or fond remembrance of a person you used to be, you've grown into who you are today, and for better or worse you have to accept that. You don't need to be ashamed of it because at a point in time, that identity was important to you and that matters. Furthermore — as long as they're not hurting others — you should accept the ways others choose to identify themselves, too, even if they don't directly align with your own belief system. And don't assume that a person has yet to reach what I'll call their "stopping point." Honestly, I believed I'd always want to dress like a fantasy anime character and spend a good half hour or so every morning teasing my hair, but — news flash! — not everything we think will stick forever does.
I don't tease my hair anymore or consider Wednesday Addams my style icon, but maybe you, the reader, do. Maybe you really do love working out at least x times a week and believe that you always will. Cool! As long as you're healthy and happy, I'm happy for you too!
I'm 20 years old, so I know there's a good chance I'll still change a lot over time — though honestly, I try not to think about it too much lest I become "the girl who always has a migraine." For now, I love dying half my hair red, becoming emotionally attached to musical soundtracks and obviously, making fun of myself every once in a while.
Although I mention your treatment of others in this article, at the end of the day, it's yourself that you'll always be stuck with no matter what. So make a truce with who you were before, and put in some effort to be kind to whoever you are today.
