Every day you look in the mirror and you think... "Not again." The memories of the last ten years flow through your mind. You are at constant struggle between living and dying. You are at constant struggle to fight those demons. You look at yourself and you don't know how to deal with the fact you haven't lost those 40 pounds your so desperate to lose to be ''okay'' with your body.
You fight in your mind whether or not your good enough. You fight in your mind if you are good enough for your daughter and your fiance. You cry most nights because you don't know what's wrong with you. They obviously chose you for a reason. But you can't help but think that there would of been someone better. Your mind races everyday. You can't help but be awake at two in the morning because your mind won't shut off. You can't help walking into work nauseous because you think it's going to be the same as yesterday.
In your mind you want everything to go perfect. One small thing causes you to be a wreck. You want your daughter to stop crying and screaming and no matter what you do, nothing works. You You like giving up and you feel like throwing in the towel but you can't. That child depends on you and you can't give up now.
The memories that haunt you seem to be lasting all day. You have constant flash backs and you can't help but let them put you in a funk. You can't help but to feel helpless and hopeless. Especially since it's been everyday this week and you just want to cut your brain out.
You can't help but sit and cry because you don't know what's wrong with you. You can't help but sit and wonder why. What caused me to be like this. What caused this illness in your own head? Why are you cursed with something so horrible? Something that could cause you to do such horrible things to yourself?
Every day mental illness is a struggle for me. Every day I fight to get up in the morning for work. I fight to just have a little piece of quiet when I put my daughter to bed. I fight to be normal. I fight to exist. You aren't alone. There is hope. There is help. Please remember to Always Keep Fighting.
Always Keep Fighting is a non-profit organization that I do not own. AKF was founded by Jared Padalecki, all rights belong to him and his team.
