"They're too intimidated, don't take it personally."
"Are you lying?"
"Guys probably want someone less self-assured"
"Wow, but you're so pretty. That's weird."
"Well, try making an effort."
"Does that make you feel lonely?"
The above are sayings I have heard from one too many people. I am not going to lie, I have some iconic couple costume ideas for Halloween. And, yes it would be fun to have a person to style and shop for.
But, in an age where new sexual assault and abuse cases are being revealed what seems everyday, by saying these things we are giving men more power to determine the worth and well-being of one's life.
These words hurt.
They reveal that too many young women long for validation and have a clear lack of self-confidence in themselves. There is nothing romantic about this truth. It is sad.
It seems a reminder is needed for both male and females: Girls aren't damsels in distress and aren't fragile. Our role isn't to look good to catch someone's eye. We aren't waiting around for a man to sweep in and liberate us. The idea of Prince Charming saving the day is cute, but he doesn't have to anymore. That doesn't go to say men shouldn't strive to be Prince Charming, who is sweet and chivalrous, because they should be. Always. Chivalry isn't going anywhere anytime soon, but neither is feminism.
Women and men both desperately need to acknowledge and value all of one's strengths, which can be independent of physical appearance.
The pressure and expectation to have a boyfriend is extremely outdated, especially since we are freakin' students in college. But, from my personal experience it's women who feed this idea more than men. Instead of having faith that things will be what they are meant to be, when God deems right, it seems that young women today lack self confidence, despite the facade on social media or apparent poise. This is another prevalent issue our society should focus on addressing. Empowered women empower women.
And while I understand that some of these quotes may have actually been said as a compliment, please know I didn't interpret it as one. I don't feel that having a boyfriend defines me in any way, shape or form, I am 100% indifferent. Well I was... until I was told "don't take it personally," which immediately made me question my own actions. Is this a fault of mine? Am I too straightforward or not enough? What exactly defines an effort being made? Have I not because I'm too much of a "tease"? Previously, I never viewed not having a boyfriend as a flaw, but it was from these responses that I received throughout high school and now into college that have made me doubt and question myself.
If you are curious, I am not lying, nor am I lonely. I am not going to diminish my light so I am "less self-assured." Men being intimidated is not my problem, and the last time I checked my "prettiness" goes more than skin deep and it certainly isn't determined by a man's approval.
