Dear friend,

I know I’m not the type of person to get all wishy-washy and tell you how I feel, but I want you to know that you’re a real gem in my life. You are one of a kind, and sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. I can be stubborn and argue with you when you tend to be right. I can attempt to push you away, but you don’t let me.

You see, I’m not always open and honest with you—I lie. I tell you I’m OK when I’m really not.

I was young when I first “hurt” myself. It might not have been physical at first, but it was bad enough. I was never good enough. I never believed in myself.

Every time I looked at myself, I hated myself. I told myself I was fat. Before I knew it, I skipped a few meals. It didn’t stop there. But the harm didn’t stop there -- in fact, it got worse as the years went on.

Thank you for all the things I’m too scared to say— the things I don’t want to admit out loud.

Thank you for becoming my friend. I don’t care how we met or how often we see each other. Having you as a friend is good enough for me. It allows me to see that there is someone who cares about me, someone who wants to be there for me, even when I keep to myself, which I’m sorry for. Those messages you send when we barely talk all day to show you care, those make me happy. It shows me I’m not battling this alone.

Thank you for constantly listening to me. I know sometimes I seem like I hate everything. I complain a lot. Often keep you awake to vent. You know my fears, what makes me sad and everything else that makes me who I am. You’ve seen the good times and the bad. Yet, you didn’t run away. You didn’t leave my life. Instead, you pushed to stay. So thank you.

Thank you for pushing me. I know that sometimes I don’t seem grateful for that extra kick in the butt you give, but believe me, it makes a difference. Waking up could be hard sometimes, and you push me to do that and get on with the day. You push me in ways that I never thought possible without giving up on me for even a second. So thank you for that.

Thank you for telling me it’s OK. You always understand, even when I don’t know what is going on in my mind. It might never be OK, but you don’t let me know that. You encourage me to keep fighting through and that one day everything will be OK. You are patient and never complain or call me annoying. I know I can be frustrating sometimes, so thank you.

Thank you for making time. No matter what time of day it is, when I need you, you’re there for me. You listen to me and never judge. You offer me advice even if you don’t think it will help. All I have to do is simply reach out to you and you’re there.

Thank you for dealing with the different moods. From being anxious, to being extremely happy or sad, you see it all. You even see it when I try to hide it. You know just what to say at the right times. You can calm me when you need to, and cheer me up. You laugh with me or just sit in silence.

Thank you for never giving up on me. I know there were many times you could have walked away, but you didn’t. You remained by my side and offered me the best help possible. There might have been times where you wished you had walked away because it seemed I was never going to listen anyway, but you stayed. For that, I’ll always be grateful.

Thank you for being brutally honest with me and encouraging me to do the things that I need. When it got to a point where you could no longer help, thank you for pushing me to get the help that I needed. (Even though your advice was sometimes nicer and the easier way). Thank you for telling me the way it was and that you needed me to get over everything. You tried your hardest and some days I pushed back twice as hard — but that never stopped you.

Thank you for making my life better just by being a part of it. There were many dark days and you never left. You offered me a smile and told me to get back out there. You changed my mindset and helped me work through the problems. Ultimately, you changed my life.

Thank you. You are loved, you are needed and you are valuable. There might have been days where you felt unloved, unappreciated or even used, but that was far off. There are so many negative emotions and sometimes, they seem directed at you because I can trust you. I can confide in you. I am getting better, I promise, and at the finish line (when that hover car becomes mine) it will be worth it.

Most importantly, thank you for being you.

Love,
Your “Broken and Hurting” Friend (with more problems than I let on)