Hello! Did you miss us? School is back in full swing and that means being able to see all your college friends again. This edition of Just the Tips covers falling for friends and finding love. As always, don't forget to send in your questions here; we love hearing from you.
1. How do you be just friends with someone you are in love with?
Angie: This might sound a little wild, but have you considered telling your friend? After all, there are only two things that can happen. Sure, there's the possibility your friend might reject you, but friendships are resilient—it might be a little awkward for a little while, but now that you've got it off your chest and you know how your friend feels about it, you can move on with your life and your friendship. The other possibility is they feel the same way and are willing to try something with you! Either way, I don't think that you'll ruin your friendship, and after you have it off your chest, it'll be so much easier to move forward.
Cass: In all honesty, if you want to be friends with someone you're in love with, you're in for a rough time. The friendship is going to be weird because you know you feel one way but you don't know how the other person feels about you. My suggestion is to either get your feelings out in the open; if it's well received, then that's great! However, it's good even if it is not well received, because at least now you're not going to waste time pining over someone that doesn't feel the same way about you.
2. Is it true that love comes when you least expect it?
A: I don't think you can plan for love. You never know when your next crush is walking into your life—maybe it's a cutie at the bar, maybe your friends set you up, maybe you suddenly realize you feel a little differently about your closest friend—so in that way, love is totally unpredictable. So if you're feeling hopeless or waiting early for love to fall into your life (or for you to fall in love), kick back, relax, and see what the world brings you. You never know!
C: It really seems so sometimes, but also, people can tell if you're desperate for a relationship and it is kind of a turnoff. If you're happy within yourself and just doing your own thing, then that's much more magnetic to people than someone who is insecure and looking for anyone that will love them. Just do your own thing and don't be too worried about it. This isn't something worth stressing over.
3. When is the right time to think about marriage in a relationship?
A: Not yet!
Chances are, question asker, you're in your early 20s. You have decades ahead of you. Even if you have a significant other who you're ready to spend your life with, think about all the obstacles finishing school or getting a career started can create: changing cities, low starting salaries, high stress, and so on. What if you want to travel? What if you and your significant other have wildly different goals?
There's plenty of time to get married, and if you have a really steady and committed significant other, then your relationship will last through all of the turbulence the next few years will doubtlessly have. Go ahead and wait until you are financially stable, are confident in your job security, and you know you and your maybe-future-spouse will be able to live together comfortably.
C: Never. Just kidding, but seriously, marriage is something that maybe you shouldn't be thinking about right now. Like Angie, I'm going to assume you're in your 20s, and in college, and probably not stable enough in life to have a whole spouse. Just take this time to figure out yourself and what your values are, find out your likes and dislikes, your views on things. And maybe, just a thought, finish your degree before you try to plan a wedding. It doesn't make sense to get yourself to the altar when you can't even get to class in the morning.