Should Your Significant Other Also Be Your Best Friend?

I see all the time on social media how you should always put your friends before your relationships, how friends will be there when the relationship ends, how relationships are temporary but friends are forever, etc.

And I'm here to remind you that friends who are anything less than happy for you and your (healthy) relationship are not true friends at all.

I'll start by acknowledging that yes, if you're in a healthy, stable relationship, you should have time for your friends regardless. There should not be any room for this type of bitterness to creep into your friendships in the first place. No healthy relationship involves shutting everyone out, and any boyfriend or girlfriend who demands you stop talking to all of your friends should be quickly shown to the door.

If you're like me, I don't have many friends anyway, so it's no issue to devote most of my spare time to my boyfriend. But if you're like my boyfriend, who is social and needs to see his friends frequently to be happy, then you need to maintain a balance in your relationship between your friends and your significant other.

With that short disclaimer aside, if you're making time for your friends and all they have to say is "Why are you spending so much time with him/her?" and "You used to want to hang out all the time and now I never see you," or "I'm supposed to be your best friend, not him/her, so you need to be spending more time with me," then newsflash:

This type of behavior is a huge red flag. Anyone who behaves this way is not your friend.

Your friends should not act as though they are entitled to spending time with you. They should understand that while they're important, you can also choose to spend time with your significant other first. They should be happy that you've found someone who makes you so happy. They might miss you, sure, but a healthy friendship will be open to that kind of discussion.

If I told my best friend that I missed her because she was with her boyfriend too much, we'd just make set plans for the next time we're free and that would be that. If one of your friends approaches you from a place of resentment for your person rather than from truly missing you, they aren't a good friend to you.

Plus, if your significant other is the right person for you, they'll probably wind up being your best friend anyway. Of course you'd want to spend so much time with them, and your other friends should get that. Hanging with your bf/gf is no different than hanging with any other best friend.

Along those same lines, be wary of people who outwardly express their dislike of your significant other to you. You should not stand for that kind of disrespect towards your person, and your "friends" should have more respect for you and your relationship.

You chose your person for a reason. Your friends don't have to understand your reasons, but they need to be respectful of them. It's very likely that they resent your bf/gf because they'd rather have you to themselves. There should be no room for this kind of disrespect in any friendship.

Real friends will keep their misgivings to themselves unless they're serious. If you're happy, healthy and safe, then they should be nothing but happy for you until you suggest otherwise.

One last time in case you missed it: friends who get upset with you for hanging out with your significant other or only talk about your relationship negatively are not your friends. Learn the signs of a toxic friendship and cut these people out. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

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