Your Significant Other SHOULD Be Your Best Friend, And Anyone Who's Bitter About It Isn't Your Friend

Your Significant Other SHOULD Be Your Best Friend, And Anyone Who's Bitter About It Isn't Your Friend

Making fun of people who are BFFs with their person isn't cool.

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I see all the time on social media how you should always put your friends before your relationships, how friends will be there when the relationship ends, how relationships are temporary but friends are forever, etc.

And I'm here to remind you that friends who are anything less than happy for you and your (healthy) relationship are not true friends at all.

I'll start by acknowledging that yes, if you're in a healthy, stable relationship, you should have time for your friends regardless. There should not be any room for this type of bitterness to creep into your friendships in the first place. No healthy relationship involves shutting everyone out, and any boyfriend or girlfriend who demands you stop talking to all of your friends should be quickly shown to the door.

If you're like me, I don't have many friends anyway, so it's no issue to devote most of my spare time to my boyfriend. But if you're like my boyfriend, who is social and needs to see his friends frequently to be happy, then you need to maintain a balance in your relationship between your friends and your significant other.

With that short disclaimer aside, if you're making time for your friends and all they have to say is "Why are you spending so much time with him/her?" and "You used to want to hang out all the time and now I never see you," or "I'm supposed to be your best friend, not him/her, so you need to be spending more time with me," then newsflash:

This type of behavior is a huge red flag. Anyone who behaves this way is not your friend.

Your friends should not act as though they are entitled to spending time with you. They should understand that while they're important, you can also choose to spend time with your significant other first. They should be happy that you've found someone who makes you so happy. They might miss you, sure, but a healthy friendship will be open to that kind of discussion.

If I told my best friend that I missed her because she was with her boyfriend too much, we'd just make set plans for the next time we're free and that would be that. If one of your friends approaches you from a place of resentment for your person rather than from truly missing you, they aren't a good friend to you.

Plus, if your significant other is the right person for you, they'll probably wind up being your best friend anyway. Of course you'd want to spend so much time with them, and your other friends should get that. Hanging with your bf/gf is no different than hanging with any other best friend.

Along those same lines, be wary of people who outwardly express their dislike of your significant other to you. You should not stand for that kind of disrespect towards your person, and your "friends" should have more respect for you and your relationship.

You chose your person for a reason. Your friends don't have to understand your reasons, but they need to be respectful of them. It's very likely that they resent your bf/gf because they'd rather have you to themselves. There should be no room for this kind of disrespect in any friendship.

Real friends will keep their misgivings to themselves unless they're serious. If you're happy, healthy and safe, then they should be nothing but happy for you until you suggest otherwise.

One last time in case you missed it: friends who get upset with you for hanging out with your significant other or only talk about your relationship negatively are not your friends. Learn the signs of a toxic friendship and cut these people out. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

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An Open Letter to the Best Friend I Didn't See Coming

Some people come into your life and change you forever—thanks, bestie.
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Dear best friend,

I wasn't expecting you when God placed you in my life. I had my friends. I had my people. I wasn't exactly open to the idea of new meaningful friendships because I had the ones I needed, and it didn't seem like I really needed anybody new.

Thank God that was false. Sometimes you meet people and you just know that you're going to be good friends with. Sometimes you meet people and you realize that there is no such thing as chance. I think God has a funny way of making it seem as if the things that happen to us are by chance, but honestly, that’s a load of crap. If the biggest moments of our lives were left up to chance, then I believe that would make God out to seem as if he didn’t care. It would make it seem as if He was truly abandoning me and making me face some of my most important seasons fully isolated. But you, best friend, are a true testament to the fact that God doesn’t just leave such important aspects up to chance. Thank you for taking a chance on our friendship, and thank you for allowing me to take a chance on what I didn’t realize would be the most impactful friendship in my entire life.

Thank you for being real with me. Thank you for not sugar coating things. Thank you for telling me when I have a bad attitude. Thank you for loving me through my mistakes. Thank you for supporting me in my decisions, even if it isn’t always the decision you would make. Thank you for wanting the best for me, and for making that your true intent behind the words that you say to me, whether they be constructive criticism or encouragement.

Thank you for being a goof with me. Thank you for putting me first. Thank you for seeing the importance of our friendship. Thank you for making time in your schedule for us to just sit and do homework, eat Mexican food, or sit on the porch and listen to music that emotionally wrecks you.

You’re one of a kind. You’re a shoulder to lean on. You’re a safe place. You’re a free spirit. You’re rough and tough, but your heart melts for the people you love and it’s obvious. You’re more than meets the eye. You are worth getting to know. You are worth loving. You pursue people. You are passionate about your future. You are everything that a person needs, and I really thank God that for some reason you continue to choose to be in my life. Thank you for literally dragging me up my mountains of fear when I want to stay exactly where I am at and wallow in the sadness. You bring joy—true joy—wherever you go. You are my best friend, confidant, and biggest fan. You will be the Maid of Honor, Godmother, and fun Aunt.

I used to think lifelong friendships weren’t really a thing. It just seemed like people always grew apart and forever was never a point that was attainable. Best friends forever is a cliché phrase that is continuously overused nowadays (sometimes, I even used to make light of it), but thanks for making that a reality. You are truly the best friend I could have asked for. So thank you for it all. You make life more fun, and I couldn’t thank God more for making an incredible human, friends with me.

I love you, pal!

JQ

Cover Image Credit: Julia Dee Qualls

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Not Only Does Lack Of Sleep Make You Cranky, But It Also Affects Your Relationships

In fact, the lack of sleep affects your ability to fully engage in healthy and long-lasting relationships.

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When I'm sleep deprived, I feel like the world is almost coming to an end. I'm the most cranky and irritable when I experience a lack of sleep. I'm sure many of you can relate to this and the struggles of it. It is one of the worst feelings to have because most of your actions get affected by it.

Sleep is an essential component in our lives because it provides us with the energy and resilience required to tackle memories and obstacles during the day. Usually, people who are sleep deprived will end up forgetting to complete simple tasks such as putting salt while cooking or picking something up from the patio. The inability to forget to do simple tasks stems from the lack of sleep experienced by many young adults like me.

As college students, we tend to underestimate the paramount importance of getting that target "8 hours" of sleep. Feeling sleepy while at a lecture is the eye-catching symptom for most sleep-deprived students and it is something that happens to me. In the same manner, sleep is closely tied to your relationships as well.

Recent studies have highlighted the fact that the amount of sleep you get does indeed affect your relationships. In fact, the lack of sleep affects your ability to fully engage in healthy and long-lasting relationships. You will most likely end up not reciprocating to what your significant other expects from you and that will end up straining the relationship even more. For instance, imagine if your S.O. wants to speak to you about something extremely important i.e. a life-changing decision. If you or your S.O. are sleep deprived, the conversation will go nowhere and chances are both of you will end up fighting.

Hence, sleep is crucial for the longevity of relationships as well as for your mental peace. Establishing a common bedtime is key towards developing a more closer bond with each other. In addition, mutual respect for each other's sleep patterns and work schedules plays a huge role in strengthening a couple's relationship. If both partners are able to balance their respective schedules, then they will still be able to spend some quality time together. Keep in mind, the cliché "8 hours" of sleep is extremely vital for a well-rested mind and body! You will end up becoming more productive throughout the day if you are not sleep deprived.

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