Why can’t we be friends? This is a common question I find myself asking all the time; almost every time I’m seen out and about with someone from the opposite sex. And it isn’t just me, the girls I’m with have to ask that too.

When did it become a big problem if you have friends of the opposite sex? Is it that crazy to think a girl and a guy can be friends without wanting more? I’ve been called out as a “player,” but how do you define a player? I’ve been on two dates in the last year. Am I player for having friends? I have some theories of where the problem lies:

• I have more male friends than female friends, but you don’t think twice when you see me with a guy. If I’m seen with a girl, it is just assumed she’s my girl, why? Why do we make it such a big deal when guys and girls are friends?
• Women like to meet up and talk. They say, “hey let’s get coffee or lunch, and catch up.” During the catch-up session they take their time and share, why, because I listen and take interest in what they have to say. They are my friends and sisters in Christ. Half of them just want help understanding guys and how they think, or have some guy problems they want to talk through or get advice for. Bro-on-bro relationships are just different.
• We don’t need to get dinner or coffee to catch up. We can stand there keep it short and sweet and give a year’s recap in 5 minutes. This is because we don’t go into detail we just get straight to it. My best friend Casey I see maybe once or twice a year, but when I see him it’s like there is no lost time between us. We only text a couple of times a semester and it’s usually to say happy birthday. I know I have a friend for life in him, and that I’ll be in his wedding and he’ll be in mine.
• You might be jealous. All the women I am friends with are beautiful, smart, and overall amazing women. I don’t know if you are jealous because you can’t date them, you can’t be friends with them, or because you are too scared to even talk to them. Whatever the case may be, there is no reason to be jealous because it is kind of your fault. Just go talk to them and you’ll see how wonderful they are.

Now how to fix this:

• Don’t just assume. If anything assume we are only friends until we show or tell otherwise. Most of the time people are just friends and if they want you to know if they are dating someone they will tell you. The only time its acceptable to assume someone is dating is if you see them kiss or hold hands.
• Go talk to them then, be intentional in friendships with people of the opposite gender. Most people won’t just shut you down. I’m sure if you have the courage to try to have a conversation with them they will talk back.
• Guys be straight forward. Be intentional and honest with them. Let them be comfortable enough to ask questions. If you are, they won’t have to go to their guy friends for advice and understanding. As men we need to step up.

I am sure I cannot be the only one feeling this way. I’m sure girls get this too when out with their guy friends. All I’m saying is it’s about time we grow up. Males and females can be friends with nothing more in mind, like brothers and sisters.