Friend or Enabler?

Friend or Enabler?

When you sit back while your friend does something wrong, you're an enabler not a friend.

In my personal experience I’ve made friends, and I’ve lost them. Throughout time i've learned how to be a good friend and do well by people I consider my friends. Friendship should be built on caring behavior. With I’ve developed myself into someone who is always brutally honest, and just a straight on kind of person. Everybody claims to want their friends to be brutally honest. But when you come to a situation where you know your good friend is doing damage to their personal and mental health such as addictions, or harmful, toxic friendships-- then what? Do you sit back and be “supportive” and let the just “do them” and live life the way they want because that's their life not yours, or do you speak up and tell them ‘hey this is a really bad situation, you’re damaging yourself’?

I’ve struggled with this for a long time, even in middle school when girls as young as 13 were talking about smoking cigarettes and pot. I knew that was a damaging path for them, but as I was young and naive i thought ‘hey it’s their life who am I to say anything’, I said nothing. As time went on I learned that if you care about someone, you should tell them that they are damaging their health and you’re worried about them. This seems so obvious to me when you really think about it. If your friend started walking towards the edge of a tall building you wouldn't be like “it's not my place to say anything” you would say “hey, don't do that you could hurt yourself!”, right? So why do we keep our mouths shut when our friends fall down addictive paths whether it be becoming an alcoholic or a drug addict. Why do we as a society say that we should just support them in hopes that it’s just a phase, or that's it's just college and it’s what teenagers do. Now I don't mean to confuse alcoholism, with drinking on occasion maybe on the weekends or at a party. What I’m talking about is the pattern and need for yourself to be un-sober or the need to be accepted by toxic people.

Many people I’ve encountered always say “I love that you’re straight up! It's so great that you’re brutally honest!” that is until i become brutally honest with them. When I see someone falling down a path and i say something, or make an observation the response normally is first off denying the fact that they in fact have a problem and secondly getting upset with me because I spoke my mind. They have an attitude where they kind of question “how could you say that, you're my friend!” but that's exactly why I’m saying it, because i care. If i didn't care id let you continuously hurt yourself in the long run, whether it be toxic friends, drug/alcohol addictions, or anything that is just mentally damaging for your health. Friends aren’t people who support you when you do something wrong or damaging, that's an enabler. A friend is someone who will tell you “hey, what you’re doing is messed up”.

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10 Reasons Your Big Sister Is The Best Person In Your Life

"There is no better friend than a sister, and there is no better sister than you."

As much as I hate to admit it, my big sister might be sort-of, slightly, cooler than I am.

Sometimes. She's the one I call when I can't call mom and the only one in the family who can properly handle my attitude. Big sisters are the people you'd choose if they weren't already family, and here's why.

1. She is your first and truest friend.

Big sisters are (literally) there from day one. They see every dirty diaper, every bad haircut, and every melodramatic breakup. They deal with every bad day and drama queen attitude and still love you in the most unconditional way.

2. Her closet is your closet.

For some reason, her clothes always look better on you. Funny how that works, huh? With a big sister comes a big closet, and who doesn't love having a double wardrobe? I'd also like to take this opportunity to apologize for the clothes I will never give back (but I'm not really that sorry).

3. She knows what it's like to deal with your parents.

Anything you could possibly be going through, they went through it first. It's kind of like having an instruction manual or a key to the future. Either way, it's always nice to have someone who will always understand the struggle.

4. There are no boundaries.

Wanna dance around in your underwear all day? Cool. Life talks while she's on the toilet? Also cool. There's no awkward moments or changing in the bathroom with the door locked. There's just the kind of freedom that only comes with siblings.

5. Thanks to her, you know about all of the cool movies/music/fashion trends from years back.

Thanks to my sister, I have every Too $hort and Ludacris song you could ever think of downloaded on my phone. I've seen every cheesy '90s movie, and when a fad from 10 years ago comes back in, I already have the hookup.

6. She tells you like it is.

We all have those friends who tend to sugarcoat everything. Yeah, sisters don't do that. She's the first person to tell me when I'm making a terrible decision and that I really shouldn't triple text that boy again. She keeps it real with me and deals with my attitude, and that's why she's the best.

7. Her home is always open.

Sometimes you just need to get away from life and binge watch Netflix, and sometimes you need all of that plus your sister. She always has her door open when you're two seconds away from losing your mind, and she also has good takeout and a dog.

8. She knows what you're capable of.

My sister knows exactly who I am and what I can do. She knows when I'm not doing my best, and when I need to be set straight. She's always there to remind me who I am and what I'm capable of accomplishing. She's always been my biggest fan.

9. She's a lot cheaper than therapy.

For some reason, my sister always knows just what to say. Even if I don't see it at the time, she's usually right (don't tell her I said that). Big sisters are like wizards, somehow they always magically make you feel like life's gonna turn out alright in the end. If she wasn't already awesome at everything else, I'd suggest she be a therapist.

10. She will always be your go-to gal.

No matter the situation, she will always be by your side. There is nothing you could say or do to make a big sister leave, and that's why they're the best. Whether it's a speeding ticket, a mean girl or you just need to laugh, big sisters are always going to be there to lift your spirits and set you straight.

I couldn't make it without ya sis, I'm sorry for ratting you out on Thanksgiving that one time, and for running away at the zoo. Thanks for taking me to see Aaron Carter even though he's way too old to still be singing "I want Candy," and thank you always for being the best role model, sister and friend I could ask for.

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How To Cope With A Best Friend Breakup

Breaking up with a boyfriend is one thing, but breaking up with your best friend is a whole new level of heartbreak.


We all know breakups can be tough, but when that breakup happens to be between you and your best friend, things reach a new level of heartbreak. I met my best friend junior year of high school after our Spanish teacher randomly assigned us to be partners; we struggled so much in that class but in the end, we truly became inseparable. When senior year rolled around we were still close as ever; people would often joke that we were sisters because we looked and acted so much alike. We would go on little dates together, go to parties together, and were always the first person we called when something "major happened."

When my best friend's boyfriend of four years cheated on her while we were spring breaking in Europe, it became my duty to make her feel better; I would randomly drop off flowers and little notes to her house, spend countless hours just listening to her cry and vent, and even stopped talking to people associated with her boyfriend so as to show my "support." All of these things were no big deal to me considering I loved this girl like a sister; whatever she needed I was there to give that to her.

Things soon took a sharp turn when we entered not only the same college but the same sorority. While I was struggling with the social aspect of FSU, my best friend soon found new best friends. When I started having major issues with my boyfriend, I would automatically text/call my best friend as she did with me, but instead of support, I got the sense that she was passive and uninterested. Our little dates and goofy inside jokes disappeared and reappeared between her and her new friends, and my comfortableness around her soon turned into insecurity.

Coming to terms with the fact that the girl I knew everything about is now basically a stranger was a hard one to overcome; I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend decided it was time to find new ones. It's heartbreaking knowing that the special things you shared with a person are now being shared with others, and it's hard to accept the fact that you aren't wanted or needed by the one person you thought would be by your side forever.

Since school has ended I think I have accepted the fact that we're no longer what we used to be. Of course, it still stings when I see social media posts with her new, college friends, but I just have to remind myself that this is part of life and I just have to move on. I will forever cherish the memories I made with her, but it's time to acknowledge that they were made with someone in my past, not with someone in my present.

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