To the broken girl in the back of the room,
I have a tendency to seek out the damaged people of the world. I'm not sure if this is because I think I'm damaged or if I have a weird need to fix those who are. But, I want to start by thanking you for teaching me exactly what I didn’t want in a friend. I don’t mean that in a bad way because you did teach me my worth. The problem is that you showed me that it was okay to be whole in a world full of damaged souls by being broken yourself. You were my teen angst. You were the person that I discovered love for the first time with and then later realized it was never love at all. You walked me through anger and frustration and held my hand as I discovered new things. However, when I went a little too far you yanked me back and placed the way you felt about yourself onto me. When it came time to scrub away our kohl-lined eyes, you darkened yours.
To my Meredith, from your
We were both dark and twisty in "a lay in the bed and stare at the ceiling while listening to that My Chemical Romance song on repeat that just spoke to the way we felt" kind of way. However, you resemble the Meredith that gave up in the water, even though she knew how to swim and let herself drown. The problem is, not only did you want to stay underwater but you wanted to take me with you. I was constantly throwing you a life preserver but you would never take it. Instead, you wanted me to join you in barely keeping my head under water. You have not found the light at the end of your very dark tunnel and every day, even though I can never be your friend again, I hope so very much that you do.
To the girl who stole my empathy,
I gave you every ounce that I could muster and now I have none for anyone else.
To the best friend I loved unconditionally until I couldn’t,
Apparently, there is a limit to how much you can love a person. You stole bits and pieces of me. The struggles you went through were mine too because I had vowed to fight them with you because that is what a best friend was. It took me a long time to realize that you were destroying me the way your mother destroyed you. Sometimes I think you could sense my doubt in our bond and you would do everything you could to fight that off. When I moved I thought I could mend you from afar, but your pain crossed state lines. Eventually, you will become what you feared most. You’ve surrounded yourself with devices of comfort that are actually darkness in disguise. You don't see that you've settled for much less than you are worth. But most importantly you showed me that I am not damaged or twisty and for that, I am thankful for the time I had with you. I love you and I always will, but you stole the chance for me to be there when you realized you were worth so much more. For that, I am still angry.
To the girl allowed others to tear her down,
I hope you figure out that they are all wrong about you before you become exactly what they say.
Love,
Your ex-partner in crime
