Forgiving the people who hurt us is hard. We spend hours overthinking and digesting what they did to us. Whether it's a best friend, parent, sibling or bully, forgiving someone can feel nearly impossible. We question whether or not it's okay to let them have the satisfaction of forgiving them so that they can feel better about what they did. Yet, some people never even apologize to you and those people are the ones we are left with wondering why they ever did what they did or why they don't feel any ounce of guilt.
How can someone be so mean and never think twice about it? How can someone live with knowing that they were the reason for your pain and not feel a type of way about it? Most importantly, how are we supposed to forgive someone who doesn't care about being forgiven? But that is the part some people miss about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not for the satisfaction of the person who hurt you. Forgiveness should be the satisfaction of knowing that what they did no longer hurts you. It's important to forgive those who never even apologized because if not, you spend hours driving yourself crazy thinking why and how, and second-guessing your own self-confidence. At some point, you may blame yourself or blame someone else because you can't grasp the idea that someone could be so cruel. Well sadly, some people are just cruel. Some people just don't understand and can't appreciate who you are. That is fine. Not everyone will, and that will only teach you to appreciate those who do.
If we forgive the one or ones who never even said sorry, we are allowing ourselves to let go. We are giving ourselves the opportunity to grow from what has happened and close that open wound, and form a small scar to symbolize a lesson learned. Forgiving those people lets us move on. Not only can we move on, but forgiving these people lets us notice the better people.
After you remove the bad people from your life, you see the silver lining. You notice the differences between the good people and the bad, and you love the good people for being them even more. You develop a new sense of self-respect and free yourself from the negativity of those who only brought you down. Now, you are surrounded by only those who bring you up. You grow your strong healthy relationships and rely on them with full confidence, knowing that they are all you need. You have forgiven but you have not forgotten because you know better. Instead, you feel sorry for them. Sorry that they felt like they had to bring you down, and try and make you crumble. Sad that they will never know what it is like to have a relationship with you. Sad that they will never have the confidence you now have knowing you are stronger than their actions. All that anger, hatred and pain they stirred up inside of you is replaced with strength and value. Because of them, you cried and you screamed but then, you grew and you learned and you discovered what really matters. If we never forgive them, we will never allow ourselves this freedom.
So, next time you are struggling with forgiveness from those who never even apologized or even those who did just remind yourself — forgiveness is not for their satisfaction it is for yours. Allow yourself this freedom and leave them behind as nothing more than a lesson.
You are stronger than you think, braver than you know and smarter than you believe.
Forget those toxic people and go say a special thank you to those who remind you that there are still amazing people everywhere. Those are the ones that matter the most.
