Everyone has a niche, it could be a place, a sense of belonging or being at peace with yourself. When I discovered that I wanted to be a writer I founded my niche, a sense of belonging in my own words soaked in feelings, I've found my place.
When I was in my senior year of high school, I didn't know what I wanted to go to college for. I felt like I was going to be a failure because all my friends had everything figured it out. I was so embarrassed when people would ask me what I wanted to be and I would just tell them that I didn't know. I remember someone telling me "Well everyone has a function,even if it is as being a janitor" don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with being a janitor but I felt so low, because of the connotation of how it was said. I began to ask myself am I just going to be that? I began to doubt myself even more. I wanted to make an impact in this world.
My friends wanted to be nurses and I jumped on the bandwagon. I would get rid of people asking me and not knowing what to say. Something inside me felt wrong but I wanted to pretend that I had my life figured out, that I wasn't going to be a loser. That I was going to be a professional, a college graduate. In that same time self doubt and insecurities tied around my feet and were sinking me. I started to think that I was a loser and I wasn't good at anything. I was not good enough for this, I wasn't good enough for that, it was a constant battle within me. "You are not talented at anything, you always going to fail" I remember me saying frustrated.
Not long ago after I fell into a deep pit of sadness, I started not to care about school. My mom was frustrated because I didn't know what to do with my life and it hurt and I would just pretend around my friends that everything was okay even though I was a mess. One night I remember I got out a piece of paper and I started to write what I felt... Everything. The first thing that I wrote was a letter to my dad who I hadn't met at the time and I was blaming him for everything that I was going through with tears in my eyes. Little by little I wrote just to steam off and I started to improve. Then came the breakthrough.
Between graduating high school and starting college I developed a passion for fashion and I created a blog. I began to understand that it was okay not to know where to go because everything has a purpose and I was not like everybody. I was me and there was only one me in this whole universe. I became bold, I wore pieces of clothing than nobody liked but I loved although some of them became trends years later. I began to write about uniqueness and individuality and encouraging people to not listen to the negative and do what made them happy.
Two years ago I came across a website that I loved. I wanted to be part of it so I asked if I could collaborate with them and they agreed. In October 29th 2015 I got my first article published, it was about uniqueness. I enjoy writing about my experiences in my life because I know that I will help someone that might go through the same issue I did. I can use my talent to help people and let them know that everything will be okay. That's a privilege.
There's a quote that says "I write only because there is a voice within me that cannot be still" I thank God to give such beautiful talent and I give Him the glory for it. It was a really long journey of doubts, sadness, tears and the expression of my feelings. But If I had to go through it all over just to find what I was created for; I would.
