I’ve had an uncomfortable relationship with the concept of family for my entire life. I grew up in an unhappy, dysfunctional household, dreaming of the day I’d get to go away to college and finally be on my own. Growing up in such a difficult environment, I had a hard time making friends in school, and I really felt like I had nowhere I belonged.

Once enrolled in a university, I planned on going home for brief visits to see my parents and check in with my brother. My plans shifted for my freshman year after my mother passed away; going back to the house was painful without her presence. When my father passed a year later, the idea of returning to my hometown at all became unbearable and suddenly wasn’t an option for me anymore.

I think the most difficult part about losing my parents so early in life is that at first, I struggled with the fact that I felt that I had nowhere to go. I felt defined by the fact that I had lost my parents, and that made me feel isolated from everyone else. My feelings alternated between wanting to push everyone away or get incredibly dependent on anyone who would pay attention to me. My future seemed incredibly bleak as questions started piling up in my brain. Who would go to my graduation? Who would walk me down the aisle at my wedding? Who would be proud of my A on a final exam?

I clung to my best friend as I began to piece my life back together. Slowly but surely, she helped me discover that family mattered so much more than I had ever thought it could. She became the first member of my new, reconstituted family. I began to let in other friends and learned to confide in them. We created a group chat and we talked all the time, sharing stories of our days and making plans to study together and hang out.

I found parental figures in other places. The instructor I assisted in teaching a class with became one of my mentors and one of the people closest to me on campus. We would have weekly meetings where we would plan lessons, and then talk about anything on my mind and how I was adjusting. She deeply cared about my well-being, and as the semester went on, I started sharing good news with her. When I got my first research position, I shared the news with her immediately, and she expressed how proud she was of me. That sentiment meant the world to me from her.

All across my campus, I have found people to make up my new family. Consisting of friends, supervisors, professors, and professional staff in many different offices, I have built a network of support. I was dreading the holiday season because for the first time the choice to isolate myself from my family wouldn’t be my own. Now, I am embracing the community I have found myself in because it is mine. I have created my own family that I deeply care for. I didn’t think that after losing my parents I could ever be okay, but now I feel more supported and important than I ever thought possible. Family is feeling like you belong, and for the first time in my life, I feel like there’s somewhere I’m meant to be.