Growing up, our parents used a lot of different adjectives to describe us to others. Short, tall, talkative, energetic, or in my case, shy. For as long as I can remember, I have always preferred to sit in the background and cringe whenever attention is drawn to me. One of the most painful experiences for me growing up was going to places or events where I had to dress nice. I distinctly remember going shopping for my First Communion dress with my mom and wanting something that was super plain and simple. I didn't like dressing up (and part of me still doesn't) because it drew attention to me.

Whenever a family member or relative said that I looked pretty, I would automatically become self-conscious. Because of my shyness and self-consciousness, making friends was almost impossible. I didn't have a whole lot of friends growing up and when I did, I still tried to reserve a part of myself. I never (and still don't) felt comfortable with my body and was always afraid of being judged by others if I wore something different from my usual attire that drew attention to me.

Once high school started though, my shyness wasn't as accepted as it had previously been. Being shy suddenly turned into being rude and I probably came across as rude to people in certain instances where I really meant no harm at all. I wouldn't say hi to people I knew in the hallway unless they said hi to me first because I was afraid that they wouldn't acknowledge me. That self-doubt in the back of my head would always find it's way to the forefront whenever I would have to do something out of my comfort zone.

And even though I had a few friends in high school, I was always worried I was going to say or do something that would take them all away from me. I was so afraid that other people wouldn't like me or that I spent most of high school caring so much about what others thought of me.

Looking back on my childhood and high school years, I realize that my shyness and self-consciousness held me back from a lot of things. I liked to sing in middle school but didn't join the choir in fear of being judged, I never ran for student government because I thought no one would vote for me. I said no to go to prom with a guy my junior year because I was afraid his friends weren't going to like me and I didn't put myself out there and make a lot of friends. I wish I would've realized that sometimes you just have to go for it, even if the self-doubt in the back of your mind is telling you not to do it.

Now that I'm going into my sophomore year of college, I've been trying to tackle my fears and ignore the ever-present feelings of self-doubt and self-consciousness. It's incredibly difficult, but I'm slowly trying to love myself more, through all of my many flaws. One of the most difficult challenges for me has been letting people into my life and letting them see the real me. My entire life I've been scared of letting people in, because I was afraid they were going to not like what they saw. I'm slowly making progress with this, through some of the incredible friends that I've made in college.