To My Former Best Friends: I Hope You Find What You're Looking For

To My Former Best Friends: I Hope You Find What You're Looking For

You’ve made me a better person, and I will forever be grateful.

Kelsey Ross

There’s a saying “people come into your life for a season and a reason,” and I never thought that would be you. We did everything together. We were inseparable. I knew when we first met, you made some smartass witty comment, and we would be friends forever. I wouldn’t have gotten through any of the heartbreak, job transitions, “other” failed friendships, family drama, and honestly, Friday night fuck-ups, if not for you.. and here we are now. I miss waiting for the weekends, to get out of town and go anywhere, as long as it wasn’t here. I remember staying up late eating sushi, and watching an unhealthy amount of reality TV, or that song that was actually really bad... but we fell in love with it anyways, and put that damn thing on repeat until we could produce the Remix ourselves. You were who I always turned too. No matter how much distance work or school would come between us, or how much time would pass, we would always pick back up right where we left off. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what changed. It feels like half of me is missing, and it feels like I’m the only one who cares.

Adulthood happens, relationships happen, I get that. Life happens. But friendships don’t last without an effort to maintain them, only memories will. You aren’t here, you don’t call, you don’t know anything good or bad happening in my life. You don’t know, you never will know. Where were you when I needed you? I don’t trust many people, I don’t rely on anyone actually... life taught me that lesson very young. And then I met you. You changed my world for the better. I didn’t know someone could actually understand me inside and out, and that soulmates really do exist, in the form of a best friend. Home was where YOU were. So where are you now?

Once you have time for me, once school, work, your boyfriend, and everything else comes first, I won’t be here. Why would I be there for you, on your time? I’m sorry, I wish things were different. You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to text you, but I don’t know what to say. I'm mad that we let our friendship come to this, and now I don't know how to fix it. I don’t know what went wrong, I don’t know where our friendship took such a turn, but I want to thank you. You taught me a lot about love, what it means to truly be there for someone, and how to pick yourself back up when your world shatters beneath you. You taught me so much about life too, I’ve grown up more than I thought was even possible, just watching you succeed, and being so proud of you. Then wanting to live an accomplished life side by side with you; traveling, exploring and telling everyone we meet our ridiculous stories. I will never forget the memories and I appreciate every single one of them. You’ve made me a better person, and I will forever be grateful. I will be alright, and you will too. I will keep a watch over you, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.

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