You've been there through it all, the good and the bad. You've sat through countless heartbreaks and celebrating new opportunities, but yet you still can't help but feel as if you have no one. The day's were you need your "best friends" the most, they are no where to be found, but as soon as they need you, you are there for them. Is it just that you can't open up to them or is it that they just don't care about you?
When you go day to day inviting them out, but you still get rejected, and then the next day you see they went out with mutual friends...all you want to know was where was my invite? Did I do something wrong? But you never can ask that question because you don't want to sound clingy.
You don't think any of this is a big deal until the day comes where you just can't handle life, and realize that you aren't getting anything in return. You give them love and support when they are in need, you will stay up until 3 in the morning listening to their problems, but at 9 at night when you are crying in your car because of a fight that you and your boyfriend had, no one is there for you. So many thoughts go through your head at that moment, am I annoying, do they really even like me, I thought we were best friends and would stick through it all? What do I do?
It's the feeling of being alone and not having anyone to go to, but still in the end you will be there for your best friends because you don't ever want them to go through the same thoughts. When will you say this is enough and try to find someone that cares? The day you leave the country and you have to find them to say your last goodbyes?
You've heard it so many times, find better friends or don't let people take advantage of you. It's never that easy, because too many people have used you and you can't get close to anyone...and it feels like no one cares enough to even try to get to know you on that level.
Maybe this is where you've gained the anxiety of making friends, or your loneliness and closing off to yourself. It's hard to stop this feeling, but know that someone out there is feeling just like you, and you are not alone. It won't be easy to find that one person to know they will always be there for you, but know that someone is there for you.
Now if you think "oh that friend just wants attention," well think to yourself, am I the friend that doesn't give anything back? Do I only call that person when I'm bored and want to do something or have a problem? Do you even call that person when you do go out anymore? Maybe they do want the attention that their best friend doesn't give them. Friendship goes two ways, it's a give and take, and don't forget to give.
