I always thought forgiveness was something you pushed to the back of your mind acted like it never happened and just moved on with life because life keeps going and there's no point on dwelling on the past. Up until these past few years my heart was hardened I would of rather just kept pushing through and getting over it than process what was happening. When your whole life is nothing but trauma back to back with only glimpses of Joy in between I guess you just learn to cope by not thinking about what's happening. The problem with that is eventually it all catches up to you and once your comfortable it all comes back to haunt you which is why its important to process everything I sometimes think I feel too much now but I would rather feel too much than nothing at all.

Forgiveness is realizing your mom really did love you she just didn't love herself enough to heal from her own past and toxic household growing up so it affected you the most but seeing it through the eyes of a person and not a daughter because as long as you do you'll always be angry. Forgiveness is understanding your Father was never going to be the dad you needed him to be and the in and out absence he's had in your life has affected you but now you see things for what they are. It's okay because you have an understanding of what Love is supposed to look like between a father and daughter because you get to see your fiancé with your own kids.

Forgiveness is remembering the step dad that took out the trash every morning and worked two jobs to provide for his family while still making every off day a family day and not the man the bottle turned him into. Forgiveness is seeing where you went wrong too and giving yourself Grace because life is just trial and error and nobody is perfect. Forgiveness is remembering that you and that abusive ex once found comfort in each other because you had both went through so much and it brought you peace until it wasn't peaceful anymore and admitting to yourself that you weren't always in the right either and he was never loved the way he needed to be and you silently Thank him for the lessons because now you know exactly what love is and what it isn't.

Forgiveness isn't making excuses for someones shitty behaviour. Its looking at the situation through a different set of eyes because when you can finally see things from all perspectives you can grow into the best version of yourself. Do it even when its hard even if you feel like it shouldn't matter because they hurt you, Do it for yourself because after all you've been through you owe it to yourself to have a peaceful happy life, but you can't do it when your heart is full of anger and pain no matter how hard you try.