I Am A Straight Female, But I Want Nothing To Do With Men

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a hyperactive feminist who wishes all men to choke on their natural-born privilege, at least I pray to whatever being that’s out there that I’m not. I simply just cannot stand to be in the company of men, and let me tell you, men NEVER are able to comprehend this.

They are baffled, in a complete state of disbelief, even sometimes denial, that a youthful, beautiful 18-year old woman with a new feel of adulthood stemming from her limbs and vitality from her fingertips would want absolutely nothing to do with them. How?

Well, let me tell you how. At this time of my life, I have finally been given the chance to blossom on my own. I am a flower, and men are not my water. I will grow beautiful and strong without your parasitic presence.

Of course, if there is the rare chance that a male manages to maneuver into my life and he aids to my growth instead of hinders it (okay and if his music taste is better than mine) he MIGHT be invited to stick around. But, that is going to be an extremely hard feat to overcome, for as a young flower, I sure as hell have already had to deal with way too many weeds springing all up in my sh*t...and I AM SICK OF IT.

Hypothetically, If there was a repellent to keep away boys like there is for bugs, consider myself doused in it. In fact, I wish I had the option to be baptized in such a concoction because that seems a whole lot more holy than the DMs I get from frat boys with bible verses in their Instagram bios.

Men, if there is one thing that I hope you got from this is — I am a freakish girl that doesn’t have the overwhelming desire to sleep or even mess around with anyone like everyone, so you should leave me alone because no one likes the weirdo right???