The perfect relationship is what we all seek, whether we know it or not. Everyone wants to fall in love with their best friend and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, the relationship we might think is our happily ever after, can turn out to be very toxic.
I have learned from personal experience that you cannot change someone. No matter how bad you want to be with that person or how much potential you know they have, you CANNOT change them into who you want them to be. You only damage yourself by staying with someone who will never change. Relationships are such a beautiful things and can teach us so much. They teach us how to love, how to care, how to be supportive, how to be faithful, and so many other things. However, if these qualities are not present in your current relationship, why are you holding on?
Too often, I hear girls talk about relationships that are not going anywhere-- they are simply stuck. The normal excuse for this is "I know he will change and it will get better" or "I just feel like he deserves another chance." Eventually another chance turns into far too many chances and the same thing keeps happening over and over. Trust me, I know how emotionally draining this process can be and eventually it completely wears you down. What we do not realize is that we DO deserve better and we DO deserve to be with someone who is faithful and committed.
So, why do we hold on when we know the relationship is not going anywhere? The problem is people think it is impossible to move on. If we leave the person we are dating, will it be impossible to be friends? Will he/she hate me? Will I regret it? Chances are you will find yourself answering yes to every one of these questions, but that is okay. When you realize that the person you are with is not "the one" it is time to accept the truth of the situation and to respect yourself enough to go out into the world and find the person that does complete you. Do not waste your time on someone who does not even value it.
A break-up is one of the most painful experiences to go through. It feels as if your heart is literally tearing into a million pieces. However, a break-up can also be a beautiful thing, if we allow ourselves to recover the way we should. Part of breaking-up comes with deciding if you will still be friends, if you will still keep in contact, if you will be "friends with benefits", or if you will just cut all ties. The most difficult thing is deciding if you should keep that person in your life or not. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. A common mistake is thinking that after breaking up, the relationship will somehow be the same. You will still be able to keep in touch, check in on each other, and grab lunch or dinner as friends. No matter how bad we want it to be the same, the reality is it never will be.
Once we realize it will never be the same is usually the most emotional part of breaking up. Wishing it could be the same or wishing you could somehow make it work. As much as we want to make it work, sometimes that is just not the cards. Save yourself the extra heartache and do not hold on when every sign is pointing you into the direction of moving on.
I am no relationship expert, but I have been in love and I have been heart broken and I am still in the process of moving on. I have finally realized that it is okay to still care about that person and wish them the best, but holding onto them and onto the past does no good. Realizing you deserve better, following through with that, and moving on is a long process but also a rewarding one. Trust your heart and trust that if he cheats, he will most likely cheat again. But most importantly, trust that if you could love someone so much to hold onto them through some of the toughest times, you will have the happy ending you deserve. Save yourself the pain of holding onto someone who you know you should let go.
Do not be afraid to let go. Find someone who gives you the love you deserve and makes you want to hold on for the right reasons.
"Letting go is hard, but sometimes holding on is harder"
