Whether you chose to take the summer off or a whole year off, transitioning from high school to college can be stressful for anyone. Mental illnesses, such as depression, come with intensified universal concerns as well as problems of their own when it comes to school and life in general. College is tough as it is. We're all struggling to balance loads of schoolwork, a social life, romantic relationships, overall health and being away from home. Feeling overwhelmed is just another typical emotion experienced by the average college student. Unfortunately, some of us are not lucky enough to just deal with the typical college stress, and the dark cloud of depression tends to make its ominous appearance from time to time.
For those fortunate enough to never truly experience depression, the simplest way to explain it is this: imagine feeling as if something is wrong all the time when everything should be -- and seems to be -- going fine. Depression dramatizes every small thing you might face and makes your reaction to it way more intense than the normal human reaction or the way it should be. A simple bad grade can light the spark to this overwhelming feeling that everything in your life is falling apart, all at the same time, all caused by one insignificant moment. An argument with a friend or taking a comment the wrong way can spark an immediate rain cloud that fogs your view and prevents you from continuing to appreciate life for that moment in time.
The worst part is, depression comes and goes as it pleases. Those who suffer from it have no control over its effect on them. One moment everything is going absolutely perfectly, and the next, you have absolutely no hope for yourself, with no desire to even try to be happy. You can go to bed perfectly happy and wake up feeling depressed for the entire following day with absolutely no explanation. It is frustrating, to say the least, as depression is not something you can just "snap out of." Depression takes control of your body and your mindset, drowning you in overwhelming emotion.
After being diagnosed with severe clinical depression during my high school years, I've slowly become closely acquainted with depression. I know what causes it, I know the side effects, I know to prevent it as much as possible and most importantly, I know how to recognize it in others. It also scares me because when I am going through a depression episode, mild or not, I feel it all throughout my body. It makes me feel weak, tired and distant from others.
When I was first diagnosed with depression, the hardest part was the acceptance. With it came a whirlpool of emotions: the relief of finally knowing that there was a reason behind my constantly feeling sad all the time, the questioning of why this had to happen to me, the anger of feeling that I had no control of my body and the confusion over how I was supposed to move on from this.
Unfortunately, I eventually learned that antidepressants are not a cure. They take the edge off dramatically, but depression is something that truly never goes away. And so I have learned to live with my depression. Over the past few years, I have taken to exercise as a way of keeping myself at a steady constant. It's something I can use as a distraction and a source of natural endorphins which counteract any sense of negativity I might be feeling. Compared to where I used to be, today I can say I am genuinely happy. I can say, "yes, I have depression, but no, I am not always depressed."
