What is anxiety?
To my dearest friend who could not understand the agony,
Anxiety is real and it is deep embedded in your bones and your thoughts. Anxiety is a constant recurrence that some of us cannot control. For those of you that cannot control it, you are not alone. For those of you who do not understand, I hope this helps you to comprehend. Anxiety is not a person or a place, but it is rather an awful feeling in the back of your throat and a pound in your chest which you cannot control.
Anxiety is standing up in front of an audience and blanking out and running off stage, it is worrying about the “what if’s” even if they are impossible, it is constantly asking someone to tell you that you are okay and that your anxiety does not define you, it is calling someone at three am because you are scared and cannot be alone in this one. It is feeling like you have no one especially when everyone is right in front of you. It is going to a restaurant alone and being afraid to order.
And I am sure you've thought why don't you just go to a psychologist or take a Xanax, because my dear pills can become addictive and we fear to go to a psychologist because we do not want to face our problems, hell we even get anxious about going. For those of you in which Xanax tends to help and makes your life better, I applaud you but those of you who took Xanax and things got out of control I send my condolences. For those people that will never understand, I send my condolences to you as well. I am sorry that you do not know what someone else is going through but at least try to understand that it is not something we can help and we just want you to be by our side even if it means not saying a word. In general, your presence helps as well.
It is a constant worry that will not escape your body until you crash. It is staying up at the late hours not being able to sleep. It is not wanting to go out because your heart is racing and you feel vomit about to submerge from your body and that means you have to stay home. Puking has always been my worst enemy especially when it came to anxiety, it submerged and I would shake until it did. For those of you who do not understand anxiety controls you, you cannot control it. Anxiety is random, Anxiety is agony, and Anxiety is serious, do not make fun of a mental disorder that you do not know the information about. To my dearest friend who didn’t understand, I am sorry that you thought anxiety wasn’t serious but my dear it is. I am better now without you.
