My baby sister means the world to me. Being the youngest of four (with three older brothers), she learned how to kick tail at a very early age. That’s exactly why I’m never concerned with her getting herself into a bad situation; she’ll fight her way out. However, my job as an older brother didn’t stop at beating her up or breaking her toys, they were and always will be as her protector. Every older brother understands this. Without a father in the house, Mama always told us that it was our job to protect her; she’s special because she’s the only daughter, and because she’s my baby sister. For instance, my girl is now 15 years old, and with that, comes the prospect of being an adult. She’s already looked into colleges, and even talked about boys. This article is for you boys out there looking to court my baby sister. Listen extremely closely, you’ll be quizzed on this later. When it comes to dating my baby sister, these rules will be adhered to strictly, and I will find out if you break them.
Rule 1: Don’t.
Rule 2: When it comes to matters concerning my baby sister, I am the all-knowing, hateful God of your existence. Don’t think for a second I will have any second thoughts about hurting you if she’s hurt.
Rule 3: My sister has nothing but the best expectations from men. This comes from being raised with three older brothers. Therefore, you will continue to date my sister and no one else until she’s done with you.
Rule 4: If she cries, I will make you cry.
Rule 5: If, by circumstance, she is indeed hurt by you, I hope you can outrun a bullet.
Rule 6: I’m not afraid of going to jail.
Rule 7: My timelines are strict, and they will be adhered to. When I say, “Have her home early”, that probably means don’t take her out at all. If I say, “be home by 10:30”, that means by 9. I will use Rule 6 if this is broken.
Rule 8: The following places are inappropriate when taking my baby sister out on a date: movie theaters; dance halls; any place where the temperature calls for her to wear anything but a parka zipped to her neck; any place with anything softer than a bar stool; any place where there aren’t policemen, doctors, priests or fraternity brothers. Old people homes are acceptable.
Rule 9: My baby sister means the world to me. I was there for her birth, watched her grow up into the woman she is today, and she has my heart. She was my princess long before she ever met you. With regards to that, I am placing absolute trust in you that you’ll treat her with the respect she deserves. She knows how to fight (credit to my brothers and I), and if she is upset, I will be very upset. When you bring her home, announce your name clearly, and step out from your vehicle very slowly. I don’t like sudden movements. Remember rule 5.
Do not break my rules. As mad as she might be that big brother is being overprotective, I will take her moods with a smile. She is my world, and there will never be any girl that holds a more special place in my heart than where my baby sister has. She saw something in you, and I trust my sister’s judgment. However, she might be more forgiving than I am. Listen closely, I don’t like you. I never will. There will never be anyone good enough for my baby sister. If, by some miracle, you make it past me, there are 2 other older brothers and a very pissed off Mama Bear right on your heels. Have fun, and bring her home early.
