I’ve always considered television a guilty pleasure: like candy for my brain, it makes my heart grow warm and all my neurons skip around in a happy dance. But I’ve never figured out how to justify my increasingly serious TV addiction, how to pass it off as a useful or intellectually stimulating activity.
Until the other day, when I suddenly realized that television has actually been the secret superhero of my life, swooping in to save me from regret, from embarrassment, and from succumbing to the desire to give into my Dark Side and watch the world go up in pretty flames.
1. "Gilmore Girls"
A few years ago, I was rooming with a girl who drove me absolutely insane with her idea of "cleaning." Whenever the mountain of trash on top of her desk became so precarious that it threatened to topple over, she would throw everything into the bin—but not the trash bin. The recycling bin. So when our recycling bin was constantly filled with things like half-eaten cupcakes, mostly-full cans of Coke and fist-sized wads of hair, I got a bit upset.
Luckily, I watched a couple episodes of "Gilmore Girls before" I totally exploded. And even more luckily, those episodes happened to cover some of the highlights from Rory's attempts to survive Paris as a roommate at Yale.
Maybe a hair-recycling roommate isn't the worst kind to have.
2. "The Big Bang Theory"
The other night I was faced with a screaming, crying 2-year old who desperately needed to go to bed but wouldn’t calm down. As I tried to soothe her, I frantically tried to come up with a mental list of all the lullabies I know (how is it that I only know two?). But this kid wasn’t having it: “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” and “Rock-a-bye Baby” were flatly rejected. Things were getting pretty intense at that point—the tears were coming quicker, her face was getting redder and my brain probably looked like a hamster wheel on crack.
But then something wonderful happened: a little tune popped into my head and it made the tears dry up, the little face grow calm and the small brown eyes grow wide in fascination. The storm had passed. I was saved. And I had a sitcom to thank for it.
"Soft Kitty" for the win.
3. "How I Met Your Mother"
This show has gifted me with many little pearls of wisdom over the years (never shall I ever engage in a slap bet with my friends or leave my toothbrush out where others can share it). But a few weeks ago I was especially thankful for being such a complete "HIMYM" addict: I was taking a meditation class and the teacher was giving a presentation on neuroscience, psychology and all sorts of other stuff that I've never studied and know absolutely nothing about. So when a slide covered with scientific vocabulary popped up and our teacher asked us a question about it, I was pretty sure I would be forced to sit there in ignorant, embarrassed silence.
Happily, however, the question was on "anhedonia," a term that immediately brought to mind an episode from Season One called "The Duel." In it, Marshall accuses Ted of wallowing in misery, of being so disappointed in not having found "the One" that he had become anhedonic (unable to enjoy anything).
Of course, an epic sword fight always works to cure the blues.
But thanks, Ted, for being so clueless when it comes to dating. It totally made my answer legen—wait for it—dary.
4. "Friends"
A couple of years ago I was utterly burnt out on running. I had tried long-distance running, running outside, interval running... It was just too much running. I was sick of it, and convinced that I would be forced to take up an even more painful form of exercise in order to keep in shape. Like circuit training. The horror!
Thankfully, a certain someone from a certain beloved TV show renewed my love for the sport just before I was about to give up on it for good. Suddenly, running was fun again.
5. "Revenge"
Last summer one of my brother's roommates made the grave mistake of insulting me and the cookies I had so generously baked for all the guys in their house. After consulting my brother, I concocted the perfect plan to get back at Unable-to-Appreciate-Free-Cookies Guy: I signed him up for every knitting and sewing newsletter I could find, every women's health blog and weight loss magazine I could think of, every wedding, pregnancy and parenting website out there.
My revenge was sweet. It was glorious.
But watching this show helped me realize that sometimes revenge can be taken a tad too far. Like when you completely destroy someone's life because they were mean to your dad 20 years ago. Or when you flood a guy's inbox with hundreds of emails on wedding dresses, embroidery patterns and tampon ads.
