If you're like me, you have a problem with self-help books; or maybe it really is only me. Every time I have a problem I want solved, I always look for books on the subject to help me deal with it. We can read books until we are blue in the face, but some things just hit us when they happen. There're some things that we just cannot prepare ourselves enough for.
1. Your first break up
There's two ways this always goes. The first way is when you know the relationship is going nowhere, but you try to hold on. Your significant other then out of nowhere says "we're done" and then stonewalls you. Then there's the "everything is going fine relationship", and then out of nowhere they call it quits. Either way it hits you hard. Even if deep down you know you deserve better, there's something about someone doing that to you. You'll go through the stages of grief and then once the smoke clears you'll feel invincible. You'll realize you don't need a man to define you and take care of you.
2. Illness
Whether it's you who has the illness or someone you know, it's always devastating. I'll never forget the moment when my dad told me my mom had breast cancer. Those moments you remember forever, even if you don't want to. There's always a state of shock, and then things settle down and you deal with it; but it's still a very difficult process.
3. Betrayal
Of course we expect some sort of betrayal living in this broken world, but never from our closest friends. It's the friends that are closest, and the ones we never expect, that break our trust. Your heart can't prepare for this nor should it even have to. As you get older you'll lose friends. This is normal, but it doesn't make it any easier. When you see your future a certain way, and then it doesn't turn out that way, it can be difficult to adjust to. You will find new precious friendships and it will be better than anything before.
4. Realizing the world has monsters in it
When we're little we want to believe the world is a safe place; a place where we can grow and thrive. While all hope is not lost, at some point we come to the realization that there's really bad people in the world. We have to look over our shoulders at all times in fear of what might happen. I wish it wasn't this way. I wish we didn't have to hide the news from children and even from ourselves. This is an opportunity for us to spread kindness around like confetti. Instead of fighting hate with hate, we need to fight hate with love. That's the only thing that will change the bad.
5. Growing up
We can read books about it, try to prepare for it, but nothing can prepare us for all that getting older entails. Nothing can prepare us for the breakdowns, the curling up on the bathroom floor crying sessions, not knowing what to do. We really just have to do the best we can and rely on the support system around us. You'll figure it out, and you'll learn a lot about yourself along the way.
Even though we may not be able to prepare fully for what life will throw at us, we can try to embrace the unknown bumps in the road of life. They will happen; and when they do, give yourself permission to feel those emotions and process them. It will make you a fighter and it will heal your soul.
